The Next Thing

I am officially done with the second week of classes. I forgot how taxing it is to be in a classroom for more than two hours. In undergrad, I avoided those classes as soon as I could. But now it is kind of the only time grad students who are working can meet together to learn about things they already know but when asked about it completely forget.

I feel like I have never been more disorganized as a student. I am just struggling with making sure I get to everything. Case in point, last Friday, I completely forgot to go to a MANDATORY orientation at the hospital (its so that I can see surgeries and write papers about them. Joy). Anyway, it completely slipped my mind. I have NEVER done that sort of thing. It worked out and I was able to go to an orientation on Wednesday where I sat in a room where everyone was in their late 20's, married and med students. It was quite an experience.

Anyway, back to my classes.

On Tuesday, I have advanced method of strength and conditioning. This class essentially prepares its students for the CSCS (Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist) test. I have never really thought much about getting my CSCS except that it would put a few more initials after my name and who doesn't want that?

During this class I had an epiphany. We were talking about setting goals with the person we were working with and comparing "outcomes-based" and "task-oriented based." It was during this discussion that I realized why I am having such a hard time being here. I don't know what I'm working for. I don't have a bigger picture goal. And that is how I roll. I am an outcomes-based goal setter.

In high school, I did all my work so that I could get into college and receive a scholarship. In college, I found out about GA positions and worked to get one of those. And now that I'm here I don't know what I'm working towards. Two years is a long time and at the same time, not that long at all. It's too soon to start applying for jobs but its not enough time to just slack.

And I feel like I keep hearing God whispering "Do you trust me?" whenever I wonder what the hell I'm doing in the middle of nowhere or when I digress about not having a significant other or when the heat is too much and I just want the beach.

I am questioning me being here. I am questioning being an athletic trainer the rest of my life. And I am questioning my sanity of moving so far from my family.

And yet God keeps asking "Do you trust me?" And I want to completely trust him and his plan and keep doing what I'm doing until there is a path for me take next. The next outcome. But its so hard to be patient when its 105 degrees outside

But other than that, life is good.