Fall is technically here

The days are getting shorter but it is still really hot. September is almost over but December seems so far away. I've only been here two months but it feels like a year. I start to count on doctors being at my home games and when I really need them, they don't show up. Last Friday was a hard night for my football players. Three rolled their ankles, one got a concussion, one broke his elbow (yep, he has surgery on Monday), three players cramped up, one hurt his knee even more. Want to know the difference between this game in Texas and a game at my high school I interned at last year? All these players kept playing. Just put some more tape on their ankles and they are good to go. Just ice the elbow at half time and take him out of kick off return and he's good to go (mind you I only speculated there was a break, I had no diagnostic tools to assess the validity of my thoughts and there was no way I would be able to talk him out of not going back in, especially since his dad had just had cancer surgery and was there to watch him). And the concussion, goodness, the concussion. Thank goodness he's alright. That's all I have to say about that. Can I just tell you how glad I am for a bye week this week?

Confession

Texas really isn't that bad. No doubt, after the move, I was struggling. Struggling with why I'm here and what an idiot I was to just leave my family and friends. But it's good. It really is. I'm learning to be ok with not knowing everyone. I'm slowing adapting to Texas culture. I'm hanging out with my high school kids and loving them more and more as they tell me stories of chasing chickens. It's an odd thing to know I'll only be here for two years. Well, if I'm even here. Apparently I have to maintain a 3.0 or everything gets taken away. That's never really been a problem for me but what it all of sudden I get a C in a class. That would be the worst. I'm also slowly making some friends that are my own age. Imagine that.

my weekend.

Thursday 5:00 pm Seventh grade football game 6:30 pm Eighth grade football game 8:00 pm JV football game Friday 7:30 Varsity football game (45 minutes away) Saturday 8:00 am High School Cross Country 6:00 pm Baylor football game Sunday sleep. and church. maybe make some friends. oh and homework.

deactivate.

A couple of weeks ago, I deleted my facebook. I did something kind of stupid and wanted to just pretend it didn't happen. (I feel like that's my defense mechanism.)

And honestly, I have been wanting to delete it for a while. The situation that occurred was just the catalyst. The thing that would always stop me was the fact that I might lose contact with some friends. However, I still have other social media pages and a text or a phone call is way better than a comment anyway. And who doesn't love a hand written note?

On the positive side, I have been doing less stalking. I feel like facebook is always the go-to site for when I don't have anything else to do. (I'm probably not alone in that, let's just be honest.)

So how do I spend my time now, you ask? I wish I could say that now I am more productive with school stuff, but really I just found a new obsession: the newspaper. I get it for free on campus: the Waco Tribune-Herald and the New York Times. I love it. Sometimes I can pick up free internet in my apartment and other times I can't. So when I can't I just read the newspaper and do the crossword. I kind of have become a nerd about it.

I don't miss facebook. At all.

But that doesn't mean I won't ever go back on again. Maybe Christmas time.

Or when I become too obsessed with the newspaper. Any obsession is a bad obsession.

Getting to know who you work with

I think I'm finally finding a groove with the players and coaches. Its been six weeks and I can honestly say I feel like I know the personality of everyone; girls sports and boys sports.

There's the nice coaches who are just thankful you're there so they will agree with what ever you say and find the information you need.

There's also the coaches who cannot think of anything but football (or volleyball depending on who) and telling them the details will get you nowhere.

And some coaches all you say is hi to because conversation beyond that is just awkward.

And then you have the players: there's the players who are the hopelessly injured. You try to get them better but the next week they just re-sprain their ankle because of their lack of athleticism. But they do have heart. So we tape their ankle and put them back on the field.

There's the player who is so endearing but he ends up getting the season ending injury. He doesn't know that part yet so he remains optimistic and dutifully shows up for treatment.

And there's also the players who are always 'hurt' but really they just need some attention.

I also deal with the player who needs some relationship advice. I really don't have any but me just listening always seems to help.

Then there's the athlete who is going to tape her ankle and continue to go full force even though she's not in season yet. So we need to try and pull her in a bit while avoiding the words 'rehab' and 'no activity' because then she'll just work harder to prove she is NOT injured.

And lastly, there's the players who are the cool kids. Is it crazy that I am still intimidated by these kids? I try to be the "cool" Miss Read but I'm pretty sure they see through my act.

And honestly, I already love all the students I interact with.

The Next Thing

I am officially done with the second week of classes. I forgot how taxing it is to be in a classroom for more than two hours. In undergrad, I avoided those classes as soon as I could. But now it is kind of the only time grad students who are working can meet together to learn about things they already know but when asked about it completely forget.

I feel like I have never been more disorganized as a student. I am just struggling with making sure I get to everything. Case in point, last Friday, I completely forgot to go to a MANDATORY orientation at the hospital (its so that I can see surgeries and write papers about them. Joy). Anyway, it completely slipped my mind. I have NEVER done that sort of thing. It worked out and I was able to go to an orientation on Wednesday where I sat in a room where everyone was in their late 20's, married and med students. It was quite an experience.

Anyway, back to my classes.

On Tuesday, I have advanced method of strength and conditioning. This class essentially prepares its students for the CSCS (Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist) test. I have never really thought much about getting my CSCS except that it would put a few more initials after my name and who doesn't want that?

During this class I had an epiphany. We were talking about setting goals with the person we were working with and comparing "outcomes-based" and "task-oriented based." It was during this discussion that I realized why I am having such a hard time being here. I don't know what I'm working for. I don't have a bigger picture goal. And that is how I roll. I am an outcomes-based goal setter.

In high school, I did all my work so that I could get into college and receive a scholarship. In college, I found out about GA positions and worked to get one of those. And now that I'm here I don't know what I'm working towards. Two years is a long time and at the same time, not that long at all. It's too soon to start applying for jobs but its not enough time to just slack.

And I feel like I keep hearing God whispering "Do you trust me?" whenever I wonder what the hell I'm doing in the middle of nowhere or when I digress about not having a significant other or when the heat is too much and I just want the beach.

I am questioning me being here. I am questioning being an athletic trainer the rest of my life. And I am questioning my sanity of moving so far from my family.

And yet God keeps asking "Do you trust me?" And I want to completely trust him and his plan and keep doing what I'm doing until there is a path for me take next. The next outcome. But its so hard to be patient when its 105 degrees outside

But other than that, life is good.