Saturday, October 25, 2008

Monosyllabic replies

You know when you are mad at someone or just frustrated with them but they don't necessarily know it and you don't really want to flat out tell them? And so because they don't know the small detail of you being mad at them, they still talk to you like nothing is the matter. But when they ask you questions, you only answer in one word replies because you have no desire to give them the satisfaction of an answer that you actually thought through and considered. And maybe you also only give these replies because you are afraid that if you say anything more than that one or two words, you will regret saying whatever it is. This is because you are penting up your frustration, which is not healthy, and you know this but you still end up doing it because you want to keep the status quo. You don't want to cause a rift in the relationship because there is more than just you and that person that will be affected if you start anything.

And really all you want to do is let out your frustration but you want to do it in the healthiest way and you just don't know what that way is. And so instead you go to your room and wish that it would just solve itself without you having to do anything, even though you know that's not going to happen. You have to be proactive. But you want to do it in love. And how do you vent in love?

And so you just stick to your monosyllabic replies. Keeping the status quo.

But then you have no outlet for that anger. That frustration. And being frustrated is not healthy. It can make you lose sleep because all you can do is lie in bed and fume that the person does not get it. It can make you mad at other people for not doing anything. So then you ask yourself why aren't you doing anything? Why don't you have that spine? Didn't you always think you would have been in Gryfindor? Because you know only brave and loyal and courageous people were sorted into Gryfindor. You always thought that maybe you would be able to stand your ground when the forces were against you.

But things that work out in theory don't always work out in straight, hard core harsh, cold reality.

But you know what? The night is still young. It's not over. You can still fight. You can still think of the right words to say. I promise.

2 comments:

Nikol Schiller said...

totally get what you're saying.

it's frustrating being frustrated.

becca. said...

i always think that kids are lame for saying that they would be in gryfindor. like-- "seriously? you are putting yourself in the same house as the-boy-who-lived and pretty much every other heroic character in those books? you are one cocky bastard."

ravenclaw for LIFE!