Goal globalization

One of the key things in goal setting is to tell people what you are planning on doing. I've decided to run a half marathon. I have often thought about it before but never truly set up plans to make it happen.

Some classmates made it known they were planning on running a half in December. I thought, if they could, so then could I. Subsequently, I told my roommate my plans. Then I told the classmates my plan. And then I texted my sister because let's face it my sisters are my biggest influence. And she said she would train with me, 1400 miles away.

Really that just got me more excited and more determined. So then I talked to my Texas family about it. And then they told another individual my age who is now planning on running it with me when he moves here in August. Then I posted a link on Facebook to both my sisters pages to tell them to pick a half in Cali in nov/dec.

Now I'm telling all of you my plans to run in Shiner, Texas on December 16, 2012. Basically, my goal has been glabalized and I cannot back down.

Now that I have all the time in the world, it is so easy to work out and consume more protein and less processed food. But I worry that as soon as football two a days start, training will slow down or cease and fast food will become easier to pick up on the way home.

After two weeks of committed training I already feel better and I'm still excited to run and workout but I worry I will soon dread long run days.

But worrying will get you nowhere: do not worry about tomorrow for we know not what tomorrow brings.

Making Plans

It has come to that point of my life when I need to figure out the next step. I like this process because it means I get to plan. I can start making pros and cons lists, update my resume, research different schools and job opportunities, think about where I want to live.

It's ironic because even though I want to move back home to California, I also keep looking for jobs in Texas. There is a slightly higher chance of getting a job that will pay more. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in my profession for the money. It's just the sooner I pay off my school loans, the sooner I can just start traveling. Who needs to be tied down?

But making these plans is also so nerve-racking. What if I'm not good enough to actually have a big girl job? What if I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life at a place I only slightly like? What if I pick the wrong place? What if I never pay off my school loans?

Every time I think about money I get an awful sensation in the pit of my stomach. I really just want to marry rich so I don't even have to think about it. But that would be a cop out. And us Read's are made of stronger stuff then that.

Yellow Cards

The UEFA Euro Cup has been on ESPN for the last month. Since I am living in a house with DirectTV, I have had the wonderful privilege of watching most of every game. I have seen some great footwork. I have also seen some great fouls.

Here is a picture of Gerard Pique of Spain (Yeah champions!) getting a yellow card. Can I just say that over my 15 or so years of playing, I have only received one yellow card. It's not that I wasn't aggressive. I was. I just never was flagrant. Except once.

Picture this, we're playing our biggest rivals (King High School) and I think the score is tied (Isn't funny, how this is NOT what I remember). My arm has been hurting because someone stepped on it. I really want to win, so my emotions are so high. We have a corner kick and I am standing in the penalty box being defended by a small little thing. Well, homegirl, decides to keep booty bumping me and I cannot move an inch without being accosted by this defender. So I just straight up take my arms and shove her away from me. Unfortunately, the referee saw this and I get a yellow card. And because when you get a yellow card in a high school game, you have to be subbed out, I just started running to the sideline. I remember my coach just looked at me and shook his head and smiled.

You see, yellow cards aren't really a terrible thing (unless you get too many - don't be stupid). It means that you are showing passion. I feel like I am such a fence sitter at life: Republican or Democrat? Who cares, why can't we just get along? Beach or Mountains? Well, they both are great, do I have to choose? What's your favorite food? Well, it depends on what day it is.

I wish I got more yellow cards playing soccer. But I always (well not always) played it safe. I was smart. I fouled just enough to get the ball. I think I also play it safe at life. I don't take risks. Even moving to Texas wasn't a terrible risk. I had a good set up to jump into. Don't get me wrong, its been hard because I miss my family terribly. But really, its not like I hitch hiked to South America with only a bag on my back (Yeah, I don't recommend taking that kind of risk).

I think we're supposed to take risks at life because otherwise, we don't know what we're capable of. So here's to taking more risks.

I think I would blog more if it didn't take thirty mins to turn my computer on

I seriously love blogging. I love writing my personal social commentary to share with the whole world. However, my computer is kind of five years old. And thankfully, it still works, but not well. So navigating to Blogger and uploading pictures takes an awful long time. Time that I could spend reading or playing or crafting. It also does not help I have about 18,000 pictures on here. Thank goodness my sister bought me an external hard drive last year other wise, I'm pretty sure I would worry about losing half of my memories.

If I did, I am blessed with the memory of my father, and would at least remember the weather of the event. (I miss you dad!)

Speaking of remembering things and telling stories. I am not a fan of overexaggeration. When a friend tells a story of what happened and I know the true story, and he says 20 instead of 2, I am irritated. Stick to the story. Stop blowing things way out of proportion. I'm ok if you say 6, but 20? Really?? Our lives do not need more drama. I hang out with high schoolers all day, save your dramatic stories for primetime television.

As I'm living here in Texas, I am definitely learning more about the things that irritate me and the things that make me happy. So as I continue in my last year here at Baylor University, I will be blogging more about events that either bring me great joy or great irritation.

The 'ship! We're going to the 'ship!

My softball girls won state. I am so proud of them.

We're going to state!

Here is how Texas high school classification works: Schools are classified into 5 rankings depending on how many students are enrolled in the school: 199 and under - 1A 200-429 - 2A 430-989 - 3A 990-2,064 - 4A 2,065 and above - 5A Crawford is considered a small 2A school with just 209 students enrolled. There are 229 such schools in the state of Texas. Furthermore, Texas is divided into 4 regions. For most sports, each region sends one team to state. My softball girls just won the regional final game. Therefore, we are in the top 4 teams of 229 schools. We're going to state. Boom. I'm so proud of the girls. Another wonderful thing about Texas classification and districts is that they are changed every two years. So next year, we will have a new district and different teams in our region. But we are still 2A. A very small 2A.

Goodbyes and Hellos

Good bye apt 1207.

Good bye pool that was never open when it was triple digit weather.

Hello Poole Family.

Hello trips to the zoo.

Hello front porch sitting.

Hello Cher the horse.

And hello country sunsets from the back porch.

So apparently it has been awhile since I blogged. I'll try to remedy that situation and post more about my current life. Now that wifi is readily available at the new place I'm staying, I have a feeling the blogging will be reignited.

November Blur

It is the last day of November.

When did that happen?

So much has happened, from playoffs with the football team, to starting basketball season, to a Texas thanksgiving, to getting into a car accident (whoops), it has been a long month.

And it just keeps going. This is my last week of classes and then I have finals next week and then I'll be back in California the next week. I cannot wait.

I love Texas, I am just ready for friends, family and Mission Inn lights.

I have faith that I am here for a reason, but it is often hard to maintain joy and peace and contentment when the future is so uncertain.

I love the people in my athletic training class. Well, I've finally started to get to know them and be comfortable around them and therefore love has grown. We all wonder why we're getting our Master's. I know for me, it's turning out to be a lot more work then I expected.

And now I just don't know if I want to be an athletic trainer anymore. There are so many politics and misconceptions and stereotypes that exhaust me as much as the school work does. I also do not look good in khaki, which is really just unfortunate, considering it is a given wardrobe dresscode.

So what will I be you ask? I have no idea. But I'm here for another three semesters. Maybe I'll know by then.

format.

Sorry about how the format is a paragraph. I should probably fix that. Nothing makes a story better than a space between thoughts.

my kids.

The high school I work at has amazing kids. We had a varsity football game last Friday at Millsap. It is a two and half hour drive. And yet we had so many fans and the guys pulled off a great win. Here is an email from the Principal at that school and what she had to say about the high school I work at: "I would like to commend the students of Crawford High Sschool on their behavior at both games - the JV and the varsity - against Millsap High School this week. I just happened to be walking behind the varsity players as they were going from the high school to the football field. I was highly impressed with the discipline they displayed during that time. Throughout the day on Friday - after our return from Crawford the previous evening - and continuing into the evening, I had MHS fans coming up to me, telling me what respectful players and students you all had. Each had a story of an encounter with a CHS student or group of students and/or the coaches, and each one told their story with great excitement and awe - many saying they had never seen such disciplined/respectful kids! And I recall receiving the same compliments from our fans of your students/athletes after we played you all last year. It is a testament to the leadership portrayed by you all that so many people have so many nice things to say about your youth. I wish I knew your secret! Congratulations on your win last night . . . we wish you continued success as the year progresses." Kayce Haenisch Principal, Millsap High School How awesome is that?

Friday Night Blackout.

Last night my high school boys played a wonderful first half. At halftime, the score was 28-0. Some of them were having a bad games and not getting the tackle or catching the ball but the other guys would pick up the slack and cover for those players. During halftime, I actually got to sit and didn't have to re-tape any guys or check any injuries. The most that happened was that a lineman got his ankle stepped on and his sock ripped. It actually was quite painful for him but there was no ligament damage so I really wasn't too worried about keeping him from playing. And then we start the second half. We're not doing that great really, but we're holding them. And then all of a sudden with six minutes to go in the third quarter, the lights go out. No joke. We are in complete darkness. I'm standing next to one of the guys, freak out, step closer to him and put my arms on him. I then realized what I was doing, let go and walked away. Yeah, I was embarrassed. But I was told later by some other football players that they were scared, too. That made me feel better. Apparently, one of the circuits blew. For twenty minutes, we are in blackness. Luckily, the whole town was there, meaning we had an electrician out there who was able to figure everything out. We finished the game and let them score two touchdowns on us, to which we responded with a wonderful thirty yard throw to a wide receiver who was able to get in the end zone. We won. We're awesome. I know I talk about my players a lot. But I am going to the fair tonight. I know I'll have to have some stories about that.

Bye Week

Today is Saturday and I am putting off studying for a somewhat very important test next week and taking a moment to comment on my life. Last night, I didn't have a high school football game because it was a bye week. It was much needed. My guys are falling apart right now. Hopefully the extra days of minimal hitting helped them and next week will be great. Sometimes its hard to get in my car and drive to Crawford everyday. But when I get there, it just makes sense. I could see my self doing this until I burn out. Which could be soon. Athletic trainers have to put a lot in to prove themselves, for minimal compensation. And at the same time, I am very limited in what I can do. Do you know what I wish? That I had x-ray vision so that I could tell people with 100% accuracy that they have a broken bone. It would save the families money and just be awesome. In the last week, I have found out that four people have broken something. Really maybe five, but there was too much swelling for the x-ray machine to correctly identify a fracture. In most of the cases, I told the kid that it's probably not fractured. Whoops. And really one of them was only a buckle fracture, which basically means the bone bent. In my opinion, that's not a real fracture. I just need to keep reminding myself, I have only been doing this for two months. I should not expect perfection. Just my best.

Fall is technically here

The days are getting shorter but it is still really hot. September is almost over but December seems so far away. I've only been here two months but it feels like a year. I start to count on doctors being at my home games and when I really need them, they don't show up. Last Friday was a hard night for my football players. Three rolled their ankles, one got a concussion, one broke his elbow (yep, he has surgery on Monday), three players cramped up, one hurt his knee even more. Want to know the difference between this game in Texas and a game at my high school I interned at last year? All these players kept playing. Just put some more tape on their ankles and they are good to go. Just ice the elbow at half time and take him out of kick off return and he's good to go (mind you I only speculated there was a break, I had no diagnostic tools to assess the validity of my thoughts and there was no way I would be able to talk him out of not going back in, especially since his dad had just had cancer surgery and was there to watch him). And the concussion, goodness, the concussion. Thank goodness he's alright. That's all I have to say about that. Can I just tell you how glad I am for a bye week this week?

Confession

Texas really isn't that bad. No doubt, after the move, I was struggling. Struggling with why I'm here and what an idiot I was to just leave my family and friends. But it's good. It really is. I'm learning to be ok with not knowing everyone. I'm slowing adapting to Texas culture. I'm hanging out with my high school kids and loving them more and more as they tell me stories of chasing chickens. It's an odd thing to know I'll only be here for two years. Well, if I'm even here. Apparently I have to maintain a 3.0 or everything gets taken away. That's never really been a problem for me but what it all of sudden I get a C in a class. That would be the worst. I'm also slowly making some friends that are my own age. Imagine that.

my weekend.

Thursday 5:00 pm Seventh grade football game 6:30 pm Eighth grade football game 8:00 pm JV football game Friday 7:30 Varsity football game (45 minutes away) Saturday 8:00 am High School Cross Country 6:00 pm Baylor football game Sunday sleep. and church. maybe make some friends. oh and homework.

deactivate.

A couple of weeks ago, I deleted my facebook. I did something kind of stupid and wanted to just pretend it didn't happen. (I feel like that's my defense mechanism.)

And honestly, I have been wanting to delete it for a while. The situation that occurred was just the catalyst. The thing that would always stop me was the fact that I might lose contact with some friends. However, I still have other social media pages and a text or a phone call is way better than a comment anyway. And who doesn't love a hand written note?

On the positive side, I have been doing less stalking. I feel like facebook is always the go-to site for when I don't have anything else to do. (I'm probably not alone in that, let's just be honest.)

So how do I spend my time now, you ask? I wish I could say that now I am more productive with school stuff, but really I just found a new obsession: the newspaper. I get it for free on campus: the Waco Tribune-Herald and the New York Times. I love it. Sometimes I can pick up free internet in my apartment and other times I can't. So when I can't I just read the newspaper and do the crossword. I kind of have become a nerd about it.

I don't miss facebook. At all.

But that doesn't mean I won't ever go back on again. Maybe Christmas time.

Or when I become too obsessed with the newspaper. Any obsession is a bad obsession.

Getting to know who you work with

I think I'm finally finding a groove with the players and coaches. Its been six weeks and I can honestly say I feel like I know the personality of everyone; girls sports and boys sports.

There's the nice coaches who are just thankful you're there so they will agree with what ever you say and find the information you need.

There's also the coaches who cannot think of anything but football (or volleyball depending on who) and telling them the details will get you nowhere.

And some coaches all you say is hi to because conversation beyond that is just awkward.

And then you have the players: there's the players who are the hopelessly injured. You try to get them better but the next week they just re-sprain their ankle because of their lack of athleticism. But they do have heart. So we tape their ankle and put them back on the field.

There's the player who is so endearing but he ends up getting the season ending injury. He doesn't know that part yet so he remains optimistic and dutifully shows up for treatment.

And there's also the players who are always 'hurt' but really they just need some attention.

I also deal with the player who needs some relationship advice. I really don't have any but me just listening always seems to help.

Then there's the athlete who is going to tape her ankle and continue to go full force even though she's not in season yet. So we need to try and pull her in a bit while avoiding the words 'rehab' and 'no activity' because then she'll just work harder to prove she is NOT injured.

And lastly, there's the players who are the cool kids. Is it crazy that I am still intimidated by these kids? I try to be the "cool" Miss Read but I'm pretty sure they see through my act.

And honestly, I already love all the students I interact with.

The Next Thing

I am officially done with the second week of classes. I forgot how taxing it is to be in a classroom for more than two hours. In undergrad, I avoided those classes as soon as I could. But now it is kind of the only time grad students who are working can meet together to learn about things they already know but when asked about it completely forget.

I feel like I have never been more disorganized as a student. I am just struggling with making sure I get to everything. Case in point, last Friday, I completely forgot to go to a MANDATORY orientation at the hospital (its so that I can see surgeries and write papers about them. Joy). Anyway, it completely slipped my mind. I have NEVER done that sort of thing. It worked out and I was able to go to an orientation on Wednesday where I sat in a room where everyone was in their late 20's, married and med students. It was quite an experience.

Anyway, back to my classes.

On Tuesday, I have advanced method of strength and conditioning. This class essentially prepares its students for the CSCS (Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist) test. I have never really thought much about getting my CSCS except that it would put a few more initials after my name and who doesn't want that?

During this class I had an epiphany. We were talking about setting goals with the person we were working with and comparing "outcomes-based" and "task-oriented based." It was during this discussion that I realized why I am having such a hard time being here. I don't know what I'm working for. I don't have a bigger picture goal. And that is how I roll. I am an outcomes-based goal setter.

In high school, I did all my work so that I could get into college and receive a scholarship. In college, I found out about GA positions and worked to get one of those. And now that I'm here I don't know what I'm working towards. Two years is a long time and at the same time, not that long at all. It's too soon to start applying for jobs but its not enough time to just slack.

And I feel like I keep hearing God whispering "Do you trust me?" whenever I wonder what the hell I'm doing in the middle of nowhere or when I digress about not having a significant other or when the heat is too much and I just want the beach.

I am questioning me being here. I am questioning being an athletic trainer the rest of my life. And I am questioning my sanity of moving so far from my family.

And yet God keeps asking "Do you trust me?" And I want to completely trust him and his plan and keep doing what I'm doing until there is a path for me take next. The next outcome. But its so hard to be patient when its 105 degrees outside

But other than that, life is good.

Hardening

When I was a sophmore in undergrad, there was this senior who was going into the Marines after he graduated. He was an athletic trainer like me and I was placed with him in the same rotation: softball. It was a pretty low key sport and by no means needed two student athletic trainers. However, I did learn a lot from this senior. Because he was goig into the Marines he had already started going to to training. And sometimes he would tell me about it.

He told me about this one training tactic that I thought was pretty genius and yet twisted at the same time. He and the other guys (I don't know if there were girls now that I think about it) would sit in a room and hit their forearms with an object. I forget the exact object they used it could have been a ruler. The point was that they would desensitize their top layer of skin so that minor scrapes and bruises wouldn't bother them as much. April (the head AT) and I would take turns trying to give him Indian burns (is that a politically correct term anymore?) but it would not bother him.

I haven't thought about this for a while hence the details being fuzzy. But I was telling this kid about it because he had an annoying bruise on his forearm that we kept padding during practice so it would not hurt as much. I told him he should do that and in essence harden his skin. I was completely kidding and he did not take me seriously but it got me thinking.

I think this concept could be applied to somethig bigger.

The coaches at my school like to give the kids a hard time when they're hurt. They call them soft or just sigh heavily when they're talkig to them. It bothers me. A lot. But there is literally nothing I can do about it. It is the culture in this town and really it is done to give the kid a hard time and not necessarily done in an abusive way.

So I realize I needed to harden my feelings towards all comments made by the coaches. I am someone who thrives on positive encouragement. This is evidenced by the fact that my favorite coach here is the one who has said I was doing a good job.

But when the head coach is riding the kid who just sprained his ankle during a game, I really need to let it go. I need to talk to the kid myself and say 'I don't care what he says, you are not playing because I do not want you to injure yourself worse.' And then I need to systematically desensitize my self towards anything any of the coaches say.

In essence, harden myself.

Friday Night Lights

Last night was the first home use of the Pirate Field at my high school. It was only a scrimmage but I realized how much I love what I'm doing. It is so overwhelming the position I am in but at the same time it is so rewarding.

During the scrimmage, I had to cover multiple bleeding wounds. There was this one kid who came back to me two seconds after I covered his elbow and I was giving him a hard time about bleeding too much. I proceeded to cover it, realizing I had to maintain some level of professionalism on the field. He then smiled and said "Thank you! I love you" in an impish sort of way. It absolutely made my day. He by no means meant it in any other way then a child to a caretaker way.

There is something about high schoolers that I absolutely love. They are naive and yet at the same time think they know so much about the world. I'm just glad I'm not still in that phase.

There were some injuries last night that I had to rush on the field to attend to. Thankfully, none were catastrophic but it gave me good practice for when there will be an injury and I will have to activate EMS and c-spine an athlete and it will be me in charge. But until then, I will continue to pray for no injuries.

And I was introduced in front of the whole crowd as the new athletic trainer. I definitely was not expecting that but now everyone has a face to whenever their child talks about their "trainer."