November Blur

It is the last day of November.

When did that happen?

So much has happened, from playoffs with the football team, to starting basketball season, to a Texas thanksgiving, to getting into a car accident (whoops), it has been a long month.

And it just keeps going. This is my last week of classes and then I have finals next week and then I'll be back in California the next week. I cannot wait.

I love Texas, I am just ready for friends, family and Mission Inn lights.

I have faith that I am here for a reason, but it is often hard to maintain joy and peace and contentment when the future is so uncertain.

I love the people in my athletic training class. Well, I've finally started to get to know them and be comfortable around them and therefore love has grown. We all wonder why we're getting our Master's. I know for me, it's turning out to be a lot more work then I expected.

And now I just don't know if I want to be an athletic trainer anymore. There are so many politics and misconceptions and stereotypes that exhaust me as much as the school work does. I also do not look good in khaki, which is really just unfortunate, considering it is a given wardrobe dresscode.

So what will I be you ask? I have no idea. But I'm here for another three semesters. Maybe I'll know by then.

format.

Sorry about how the format is a paragraph. I should probably fix that. Nothing makes a story better than a space between thoughts.

my kids.

The high school I work at has amazing kids. We had a varsity football game last Friday at Millsap. It is a two and half hour drive. And yet we had so many fans and the guys pulled off a great win. Here is an email from the Principal at that school and what she had to say about the high school I work at: "I would like to commend the students of Crawford High Sschool on their behavior at both games - the JV and the varsity - against Millsap High School this week. I just happened to be walking behind the varsity players as they were going from the high school to the football field. I was highly impressed with the discipline they displayed during that time. Throughout the day on Friday - after our return from Crawford the previous evening - and continuing into the evening, I had MHS fans coming up to me, telling me what respectful players and students you all had. Each had a story of an encounter with a CHS student or group of students and/or the coaches, and each one told their story with great excitement and awe - many saying they had never seen such disciplined/respectful kids! And I recall receiving the same compliments from our fans of your students/athletes after we played you all last year. It is a testament to the leadership portrayed by you all that so many people have so many nice things to say about your youth. I wish I knew your secret! Congratulations on your win last night . . . we wish you continued success as the year progresses." Kayce Haenisch Principal, Millsap High School How awesome is that?

Friday Night Blackout.

Last night my high school boys played a wonderful first half. At halftime, the score was 28-0. Some of them were having a bad games and not getting the tackle or catching the ball but the other guys would pick up the slack and cover for those players. During halftime, I actually got to sit and didn't have to re-tape any guys or check any injuries. The most that happened was that a lineman got his ankle stepped on and his sock ripped. It actually was quite painful for him but there was no ligament damage so I really wasn't too worried about keeping him from playing. And then we start the second half. We're not doing that great really, but we're holding them. And then all of a sudden with six minutes to go in the third quarter, the lights go out. No joke. We are in complete darkness. I'm standing next to one of the guys, freak out, step closer to him and put my arms on him. I then realized what I was doing, let go and walked away. Yeah, I was embarrassed. But I was told later by some other football players that they were scared, too. That made me feel better. Apparently, one of the circuits blew. For twenty minutes, we are in blackness. Luckily, the whole town was there, meaning we had an electrician out there who was able to figure everything out. We finished the game and let them score two touchdowns on us, to which we responded with a wonderful thirty yard throw to a wide receiver who was able to get in the end zone. We won. We're awesome. I know I talk about my players a lot. But I am going to the fair tonight. I know I'll have to have some stories about that.

Bye Week

Today is Saturday and I am putting off studying for a somewhat very important test next week and taking a moment to comment on my life. Last night, I didn't have a high school football game because it was a bye week. It was much needed. My guys are falling apart right now. Hopefully the extra days of minimal hitting helped them and next week will be great. Sometimes its hard to get in my car and drive to Crawford everyday. But when I get there, it just makes sense. I could see my self doing this until I burn out. Which could be soon. Athletic trainers have to put a lot in to prove themselves, for minimal compensation. And at the same time, I am very limited in what I can do. Do you know what I wish? That I had x-ray vision so that I could tell people with 100% accuracy that they have a broken bone. It would save the families money and just be awesome. In the last week, I have found out that four people have broken something. Really maybe five, but there was too much swelling for the x-ray machine to correctly identify a fracture. In most of the cases, I told the kid that it's probably not fractured. Whoops. And really one of them was only a buckle fracture, which basically means the bone bent. In my opinion, that's not a real fracture. I just need to keep reminding myself, I have only been doing this for two months. I should not expect perfection. Just my best.

Fall is technically here

The days are getting shorter but it is still really hot. September is almost over but December seems so far away. I've only been here two months but it feels like a year. I start to count on doctors being at my home games and when I really need them, they don't show up. Last Friday was a hard night for my football players. Three rolled their ankles, one got a concussion, one broke his elbow (yep, he has surgery on Monday), three players cramped up, one hurt his knee even more. Want to know the difference between this game in Texas and a game at my high school I interned at last year? All these players kept playing. Just put some more tape on their ankles and they are good to go. Just ice the elbow at half time and take him out of kick off return and he's good to go (mind you I only speculated there was a break, I had no diagnostic tools to assess the validity of my thoughts and there was no way I would be able to talk him out of not going back in, especially since his dad had just had cancer surgery and was there to watch him). And the concussion, goodness, the concussion. Thank goodness he's alright. That's all I have to say about that. Can I just tell you how glad I am for a bye week this week?

Confession

Texas really isn't that bad. No doubt, after the move, I was struggling. Struggling with why I'm here and what an idiot I was to just leave my family and friends. But it's good. It really is. I'm learning to be ok with not knowing everyone. I'm slowing adapting to Texas culture. I'm hanging out with my high school kids and loving them more and more as they tell me stories of chasing chickens. It's an odd thing to know I'll only be here for two years. Well, if I'm even here. Apparently I have to maintain a 3.0 or everything gets taken away. That's never really been a problem for me but what it all of sudden I get a C in a class. That would be the worst. I'm also slowly making some friends that are my own age. Imagine that.

my weekend.

Thursday 5:00 pm Seventh grade football game 6:30 pm Eighth grade football game 8:00 pm JV football game Friday 7:30 Varsity football game (45 minutes away) Saturday 8:00 am High School Cross Country 6:00 pm Baylor football game Sunday sleep. and church. maybe make some friends. oh and homework.

deactivate.

A couple of weeks ago, I deleted my facebook. I did something kind of stupid and wanted to just pretend it didn't happen. (I feel like that's my defense mechanism.)

And honestly, I have been wanting to delete it for a while. The situation that occurred was just the catalyst. The thing that would always stop me was the fact that I might lose contact with some friends. However, I still have other social media pages and a text or a phone call is way better than a comment anyway. And who doesn't love a hand written note?

On the positive side, I have been doing less stalking. I feel like facebook is always the go-to site for when I don't have anything else to do. (I'm probably not alone in that, let's just be honest.)

So how do I spend my time now, you ask? I wish I could say that now I am more productive with school stuff, but really I just found a new obsession: the newspaper. I get it for free on campus: the Waco Tribune-Herald and the New York Times. I love it. Sometimes I can pick up free internet in my apartment and other times I can't. So when I can't I just read the newspaper and do the crossword. I kind of have become a nerd about it.

I don't miss facebook. At all.

But that doesn't mean I won't ever go back on again. Maybe Christmas time.

Or when I become too obsessed with the newspaper. Any obsession is a bad obsession.

Getting to know who you work with

I think I'm finally finding a groove with the players and coaches. Its been six weeks and I can honestly say I feel like I know the personality of everyone; girls sports and boys sports.

There's the nice coaches who are just thankful you're there so they will agree with what ever you say and find the information you need.

There's also the coaches who cannot think of anything but football (or volleyball depending on who) and telling them the details will get you nowhere.

And some coaches all you say is hi to because conversation beyond that is just awkward.

And then you have the players: there's the players who are the hopelessly injured. You try to get them better but the next week they just re-sprain their ankle because of their lack of athleticism. But they do have heart. So we tape their ankle and put them back on the field.

There's the player who is so endearing but he ends up getting the season ending injury. He doesn't know that part yet so he remains optimistic and dutifully shows up for treatment.

And there's also the players who are always 'hurt' but really they just need some attention.

I also deal with the player who needs some relationship advice. I really don't have any but me just listening always seems to help.

Then there's the athlete who is going to tape her ankle and continue to go full force even though she's not in season yet. So we need to try and pull her in a bit while avoiding the words 'rehab' and 'no activity' because then she'll just work harder to prove she is NOT injured.

And lastly, there's the players who are the cool kids. Is it crazy that I am still intimidated by these kids? I try to be the "cool" Miss Read but I'm pretty sure they see through my act.

And honestly, I already love all the students I interact with.

The Next Thing

I am officially done with the second week of classes. I forgot how taxing it is to be in a classroom for more than two hours. In undergrad, I avoided those classes as soon as I could. But now it is kind of the only time grad students who are working can meet together to learn about things they already know but when asked about it completely forget.

I feel like I have never been more disorganized as a student. I am just struggling with making sure I get to everything. Case in point, last Friday, I completely forgot to go to a MANDATORY orientation at the hospital (its so that I can see surgeries and write papers about them. Joy). Anyway, it completely slipped my mind. I have NEVER done that sort of thing. It worked out and I was able to go to an orientation on Wednesday where I sat in a room where everyone was in their late 20's, married and med students. It was quite an experience.

Anyway, back to my classes.

On Tuesday, I have advanced method of strength and conditioning. This class essentially prepares its students for the CSCS (Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist) test. I have never really thought much about getting my CSCS except that it would put a few more initials after my name and who doesn't want that?

During this class I had an epiphany. We were talking about setting goals with the person we were working with and comparing "outcomes-based" and "task-oriented based." It was during this discussion that I realized why I am having such a hard time being here. I don't know what I'm working for. I don't have a bigger picture goal. And that is how I roll. I am an outcomes-based goal setter.

In high school, I did all my work so that I could get into college and receive a scholarship. In college, I found out about GA positions and worked to get one of those. And now that I'm here I don't know what I'm working towards. Two years is a long time and at the same time, not that long at all. It's too soon to start applying for jobs but its not enough time to just slack.

And I feel like I keep hearing God whispering "Do you trust me?" whenever I wonder what the hell I'm doing in the middle of nowhere or when I digress about not having a significant other or when the heat is too much and I just want the beach.

I am questioning me being here. I am questioning being an athletic trainer the rest of my life. And I am questioning my sanity of moving so far from my family.

And yet God keeps asking "Do you trust me?" And I want to completely trust him and his plan and keep doing what I'm doing until there is a path for me take next. The next outcome. But its so hard to be patient when its 105 degrees outside

But other than that, life is good.

Hardening

When I was a sophmore in undergrad, there was this senior who was going into the Marines after he graduated. He was an athletic trainer like me and I was placed with him in the same rotation: softball. It was a pretty low key sport and by no means needed two student athletic trainers. However, I did learn a lot from this senior. Because he was goig into the Marines he had already started going to to training. And sometimes he would tell me about it.

He told me about this one training tactic that I thought was pretty genius and yet twisted at the same time. He and the other guys (I don't know if there were girls now that I think about it) would sit in a room and hit their forearms with an object. I forget the exact object they used it could have been a ruler. The point was that they would desensitize their top layer of skin so that minor scrapes and bruises wouldn't bother them as much. April (the head AT) and I would take turns trying to give him Indian burns (is that a politically correct term anymore?) but it would not bother him.

I haven't thought about this for a while hence the details being fuzzy. But I was telling this kid about it because he had an annoying bruise on his forearm that we kept padding during practice so it would not hurt as much. I told him he should do that and in essence harden his skin. I was completely kidding and he did not take me seriously but it got me thinking.

I think this concept could be applied to somethig bigger.

The coaches at my school like to give the kids a hard time when they're hurt. They call them soft or just sigh heavily when they're talkig to them. It bothers me. A lot. But there is literally nothing I can do about it. It is the culture in this town and really it is done to give the kid a hard time and not necessarily done in an abusive way.

So I realize I needed to harden my feelings towards all comments made by the coaches. I am someone who thrives on positive encouragement. This is evidenced by the fact that my favorite coach here is the one who has said I was doing a good job.

But when the head coach is riding the kid who just sprained his ankle during a game, I really need to let it go. I need to talk to the kid myself and say 'I don't care what he says, you are not playing because I do not want you to injure yourself worse.' And then I need to systematically desensitize my self towards anything any of the coaches say.

In essence, harden myself.

Friday Night Lights

Last night was the first home use of the Pirate Field at my high school. It was only a scrimmage but I realized how much I love what I'm doing. It is so overwhelming the position I am in but at the same time it is so rewarding.

During the scrimmage, I had to cover multiple bleeding wounds. There was this one kid who came back to me two seconds after I covered his elbow and I was giving him a hard time about bleeding too much. I proceeded to cover it, realizing I had to maintain some level of professionalism on the field. He then smiled and said "Thank you! I love you" in an impish sort of way. It absolutely made my day. He by no means meant it in any other way then a child to a caretaker way.

There is something about high schoolers that I absolutely love. They are naive and yet at the same time think they know so much about the world. I'm just glad I'm not still in that phase.

There were some injuries last night that I had to rush on the field to attend to. Thankfully, none were catastrophic but it gave me good practice for when there will be an injury and I will have to activate EMS and c-spine an athlete and it will be me in charge. But until then, I will continue to pray for no injuries.

And I was introduced in front of the whole crowd as the new athletic trainer. I definitely was not expecting that but now everyone has a face to whenever their child talks about their "trainer."

1:200

Thats the ratio of me to the number of athletes. I knew this number coming in to this job but I didn't think it was that big of deal until I got here. When I am at the high school, there is a constant stream of athletes. Sometimes they are minor injuries and other times it is a career changing injury.

Theres been this kid for the last two weeks who has had this knot in his back. And sometimes there has been numbness and tingling. I thought it was going away but than Monday he said it was worse. After talking to some people that night I started thinking of other things I could do. The next morning he came in and he had a positive compression test. So I told him he needed to go get x-rays. His mom came and it turns out his first rib was broken. Can you believe he's been playing football this long with a fractured rib? I'm just glad nothing more serious happened but now there goes his season. That is really the worse part of this job.

Another part of this job I am not a fan of are the coaches who try to keep it old school. They want to rub some dirt on it. And yes some of the kids need to do this but some of them do have serious injuries. And it is so annoying when the coach yells at the kid to man up when they are getting treatment. But it will get better. Maybe.

Texas Living

I have officially been in Texas for a week. My parents left Wednesday morning. Not before spoiling me with items for my new apartment. I have already been at my job for five days. Practice starts at 7:00am. I like to be there a half hour before that. And it is about 25 miles from my apartment.

Yes, it has been really early mornings.

But it has, thus far, been worth it. I love the kids already. Wednesday morning I walked into the gym where the cross country team was meeting and received an echo of "Good morning, Miss Read." I interact mostly with football players and volleyball players and they are the politest kids in the world.

The high school is in a small town, and everything they say about small towns is true. Also, it seems that every kid is in a relationship. And I have already heard about the drama of playing and not playing and boyfriend/girlfriend he said/she said.

It has also been very stressful as I am not completely sure of myself. I am just grateful that on the first day of hitting in pads there were not three concussions like there was on my first day at South Hills High School. I have already held a player out to the disappointment of the coach (who is also the athletic director). But now the kid is fine, so I'm not too broken up about the situation. Also, one of the coaches came up to me on Friday, gave me a side hug, and said I was doing a good job for only being here a week. It made my day.

I am currently living on my own, which is an experience of itself. I have already learned I cannot watch creepy shows when it is close to bedtime. My job keeps me busy through the week but on the weekends I have needed to learn to slow down. Which I honestly have not achieved. I pick up my roommate from the airport next Saturday and I cannot wait for the company. I think I miss that the most: community. Face-to-face talking with people my own age or older. Not high schoolers. I do not miss that drama.

This morning I went to a local church, but it did not seem like a good fit for me. Throughout the service, I wavered between wanting to go up to the welcome desk to join a lifegroup to not wanting to. Ultimately, I refrained. If I was on the fence, maybe it just wasn't the time. Next week I'm going to First Baptist of Waco. My sister will be so proud.

Also it has been so hot. Record breaking hot. Texans are hoping for hurricanes to break up this heat wave. It has seriously been the thing that has made me most want to get out here fast. But pretty soon I'll be saying that about the cold. Maybe I'll learn to embrace the weather.

Like I am embracing the quiet in this apartment.

Family Pictures

I absolutely adore my family.

And I miss them like crazy.

Trevor Dale Comes Home

Trevor came home from the hospital.
This is him laying next to Haley.
Haley looks like a giant next to him.

camping and boating and fishing. oh my.

This past weekend I went camping with my sister's husband's father's church. (yeah, figure that one out). We went to Lake Piru near Valencia. It was fun just hanging out by the lake. In the mornings, some people would go out and fish. It was awesome because 1. you got to watch the sun rise. 2. Barely any boats were out there and 3. that was when I caught this fish:




The lake used to be stocked with trout but environmentalists made a fuss and now there aren't that many trout fish around. In previous years, almost 50 fish would be caught using the method of trolling. However, it is not common to catch bass or catfish using that method so it was changed to casting and reeling. Last year, there was five fish caught and this year there was only one: the large mouth bass you see before you.

Go big or go home.

Travels.

When my cousin from Nebraska invited me to road trip back with her family, for some reason I said yes. I got to travel in the back of a minivan with these kids:





And twin three year olds. It was quite entertaining. We basically watched movies the whole time: The incredibles, Toy Story 3, Tangled, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Gnomeo and Juliet (twice), The Princess and the Frog, Tron: Legacy, Race to Witch Mountain, Sleeping Beauty, Scooby Doo episodes and Scooby Doo movie.



We even got to watch the sunset somewhere in Utah.

I really enjoy spending time with this side of the family considering I have not seen them for five years. We're trying to change that.

Swim Time

She'd rather be somewhere else.



Someone is a fan of swimming.

the sound of thoughts

Ever since my ipod met an untimely demise a few months ago, I have been running without any music to keep me company. And let’s say it has led to a lot of thinking time between the heavy breathing and thoughts of quitting. Today, it has led to some conclusions:

1. Dogs run at you until they can no longer see you. (Some call it protecting their home. Others call it annoying. I find it endearing.) Cats, squirrels and bunnies run from you. (I may or may not have seen all these animals in just today’s run). And horses stare at you. (They are either thinking you are crazy for running or are jealous of your freedom. Either way, they are judging you.)

2. Always run through mother’s nature obstacle course. While there is a higher chance of hurting yourself, jumping over flower bushes and trekking through sand makes the journey that much more interesting. And it probably puts on a show for the cars driving past you and maybe you make their day when you stumble and almost fall on your face. (Yes, almost. I caught myself).

3. Speaking of cars, don’t try and compete with the cars and get frustrated they are beating you up the street. They have more horsepower than the one horse that judged you earlier. They are supposed to beat you.

4. While running down a steep slope leads to high impact on the body, it does help you pick up speed while trying to navigate the obstacle course. It may also lead to the stumbling I talked about earlier.

5. Ending with an upward climb up a hill is never a smart idea. Living at the top of a long-ish driveway does not help this matter.

6. Thinking about anything serious only leads to depressing to do lists and anxious thoughts about moving. In this instance, maybe the music is missed.

.

Trevor dale.

Trevor dale. 3 lbs, 11 oz. He was born about 9 weeks early.

It's weird being an aunt. I already love him but I haven't even laid eyes on him. I also will probably not be able to hold him before I leave. By Christmas, he is going to be so big.

Please be praying?

memorial day weekend

This past weekend has been memorable for a memorial kind of weekend.

On Friday I went to Mexico with a group of 26 people. We built a house in a day. It really wasn't much of a house. Yeah, we can pat ourselves on the back saying we did good but it was so minimal. And yet, God used it to bless Hector and his family. In small ways, things happen and change.

And then on Monday, I went to Salvation Mountain with some friends. Basically, it is a painted rock with Christian motifs. The guy with the vision behind it is Leonard Knight. He just wanted to keep it simple:

How great is that? He was also around during the sixties so that might also have something to do with it.

And, because the weekend doesn't end on monday during the summer, on Tuesday, my friends and I had a get together. It was a progressive dinner and it was probably the best graduation/birthday/goodbye party ever. I love these girls.

Anyway, this whole weekend made me realize how incredibly blessed I am.

And it has come to my attention that I have about sixty days before I move to Texas. Crazy.

last week of undergrad.

Last week was the last time I would be on APU campus as a student. So let's go through the week.

Monday: Softball game

Winston. I'm pretty sure he does not put on a normal face for any picture.
But our team won. NBD.


Group picture.

Yeah, I made it to second base.

Wednesday: Lyndsay and I visited South Hills

Darrick trying to jump in the background.

Yeah, this is the norm at South Hills.

Thursday: ATEP awards banquet.

Ashley and I with the Asians, aka Glory and Isak

I absolutely love this picture, it's candid and yet not and definitely does not get the whole group but it makes me happy every time I see it.

Ashley and I with the Kim, Chrissy and Sarah.
On nights like these we ditch the khaki and polo for something classy.

We were playing with our stolls.

I definitely would not have been able to get through the last four years without my fellow peers.

Saturday: GRADUATION!! (just a few of the pictures)

We so excited.

My parents. Love them.

Football players. Enough said.

....

Megan McBratney. She's pretty cool. And now we're graduates. Too bad I'm moving 1,000 miles away and she'll probably find new friends in her doctorate program.

I'm sad we didn't become friends till our senior year. But whatever, we're hanging out this summer.

Was it worth it?

Today, I received the email I was waiting for. The email saying I could go to this website to see if I passed or did not pass the national certification test for athletic training.

When I saw it sitting in my inbox, time sort of stopped. I just couldn't look at the email right away because I could not deal with the possibility of failure.

I started going over my plan for if this happened. It wouldn't be too bad. I would just sign up to take it again. I'd have to wait till June, but it would work out. And then I could just apply for temporary licensure for my Texas gig. It would work out. I would be out a couple hundred bucks but it would work out.

And then I opened it and saw the lovely little word behind status: passed.

I just couldn't contain myself I jumped and screamed and probably kicked a little bit (after placing my laptop gently on the table next to me of course). And thankfully my biggest lifesaver this year was in the room and jumped and screamed (louder) and hugged me.

And then I had the horrible thought of "what if I read it wrong?"

So I looked at the screen again. Read all the script on the page and proceeded to jump and scream and shout again.

It is still sinking in that I passed this test. It is the accumulation of my four years being at this university. In the past few months I have spent more time at the library studying the differences between heat stroke and heat exhaustion and memorizing muscle insertions and origins and general medical terms than I did at my actual apartment. I put so much effort into this in the hopes I would be able to move to Texas ready to be an athletic trainer. It is amazing what the addition of those three little letters to your last name does to your self-esteem.

And to think I almost waited to take it. When I was considering this I asked my dad for advice on the situation. I explained all the pros and cons; the biggest pro being I would have more time to study. And his advice? "The sooner the better. You don't know what's going to happen in June." Great advice, Dad.

That day, I proceeded to sign up for the April test.

And it was worth it. I'm glad to be where I'm at.

I was hanging out with a friend at his work and he asked me if I wanted to see pictures of his cruise he recently went on. We then proceeded to look at all the pictures he was tagged in. And he definitely had some adventures here at APU; a lot of them drunken adventures (he has since given up drinking and hopefully starting a community house in Oregon sometime in the future) and I realize I don't have those types of stories from APU. I have a lot of stories of staying late in the ATR or helping an injured off the field or staying countless hours in the library so that I didn't have to work on a paper the day before it was due (yes, I rarely procrastinated on my papers).

And I'm ok with that. Because as my classmates are finishing papers and taking tests for online classes they had to take to fill up unit requirements, I am done. I turned in my last paper today and found out I'm certified.

Now I'm off to make some funfetti cookies. Best day ever.

Love,

Jane Read, ATC

Back to the lib.

Pages are done. Now I just need to go back and edit and pretty much make it sound intellectual and polish it up a bit

As I'm sitting here in the library, I've come to some conclusions.

1. People do not know how to plug in their headphones. That is the only way I can explain the soft but distinct music coming from somewhere in the computer lab.

2. I am so over coming up with new ways to say promote and invest and change.

3. Waking up is always easy when you are in a strange place. Because our lease ended on Friday, I am staying at my friend Lyndsay's apartment. When I left home this past weekend I packed up a week of clothes. I felt like I was on my way to camp.

4. You know its finals week when everyone in the library has bags under their eyes and they have a face that distinctly says "Go away." And everyone thinks they have it worse than everybody else. Except for me, I'm pretty sure I have it great. I just need to finish this paper and I am done because I took my last final this morning.

5. I am currently waiting for an email about results of test I recently took. I have now checked my email 12 times in the past hour. I think its time for a distraction.

Last week of undergraduate....whaaaa?

I am currently sitting in the library trying to finish my last paper. I can't decide if I am avoiding it because I do not want to admit this whole undergraduate experience is truly coming to an end or because I am at a point full of no inspiration to write about athletic training legislation. You decide.

So I will blog.

It is surreal to think I will soon not be a student of APU. There's still a lot of loose ends to tie up. And then it is time to get prepared for Texas.

I recently checked on the NATA career center and I just saw the perfect GA position for me in Chicago, IL. But I already committed to Baylor and it would be a terrible thing to back out on that for something that may not happen (considering I would still have to apply and all that). It is only perfect because it is a small school very similar to APU and it is in Chicago; the place I fell in love with last summer. I want to go back and actually live there but instead I will be going to Middle of Nowhere, Texas.

Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for this next step. But did I rush into it? If I had been a slacker this year I would have waited and procrastinated and eventually gotten around to applying for GA spots and would have been able to apply to this other spot in Chicago. However, that is not me. I am not a slacker, which I guess is a good thing considering I'm graduating cum laude. And while its not the top honor, it'll do.

And I know Baylor will be great. At least, I hope.

And now it is back to paper writin' so that I can do something fun tonight and have nothing hanging over my head.

Rad Red

My intramural soccer team won the championship.

Here's Team Rad Red.

It's the little things in life.

And my parents came. Even though we played at 10:30 at night. They're really great.

Yesterday.

I went to the beach yesterday. It was a nice break from life.

In my next life I'm owning a woody and living at the beach.

"God even cares about us making happy hour"

On Friday I got to hang out with the lovely Lyndsay Dean. We were on a mission to find bridesmaid dresses for her wedding, which I get to be a part of this summer. (We were in Crate and Barrel for this shot. They looked real enough to eat. Too bad they were plastic) Anyway, we had planned to eat cheap that night, so we were looking for a happy hour. But, alas, the places at Victoria Gardens were not accommodating. So we went to Lucilles BBQ because I had never been there. So we went to the bar area because we're both 21 and there was no waiting. And, luckily, cheap appetizers. We had no idea, just assumed we missed it. So we got some drinks and BBQ meat goodness with some biscuits and apple butter (I can't wait for the south living). So I made a joke that I love it when everything comes together and Lyndz make the quip that "God even cares about us making happy hour." I can't decide if that is blasphemy or not. But do you ever have some things just work out perfectly? And while to another person it is just the mundane details of life, like waking up on time even though you don't set your alarm. Does God really care about these small things in our lives? At church, we have been going through a series about Prayer. It has been inspiring to say the least. Today it was praying with thanksgiving. How often do we just ask without praising our God first, and maybe, only? Before, it was about praying with expectation. But be prepared for answers of "Not now" or "This way instead." Can we be perfectly satisfied when things don't go the way we ask them to? Absolutely. Because it is usually better. So we just live our lives. And sometimes things work out great. We get an extra 10% off, which brings some relief. Or we get an extension on a paper, that we are only half way done with. These mundane details of life somehow bring us joy and we can only praise God for this good fortune. But I can't help but wonder, why does He care so much? Or maybe it is just our egotistical human ways that makes us think that God even cares about happy hour.

Francis Chan. BOC. Jesus.

Today, Francis Chan talked in chapel. I'm pretty sure its safe to say most people love that guy. He is just so intense. He talks about other people who inspire him, but its crazy to think that he inspires the 4,000 people (college students, family members, faculty) that listened to him today. (At chapel there were so many people that they opened the back bleachers. And it's not like 12 people sat there. There was easily another 75. And then there is the pod cast. Who knows how many people listen to that.)

Anyway, how great would it be to just go. I like where I'm going in life, but sometimes I feel trapped. I have to finish college. I can't go too far (long term) because my family is reproducing at an exponential rate and I want to be there (they want me there, too, I hope.) And then there's my friends. I want to be there for their new boyfriends and new adventures and art shows. But sometimes, we have to just go.

I went for a walk today around my neighborhood. There's a path that leads to a man made river and it is just surrounded by mountains. It's really pretty. But I was just struck by how lucky I am. I don't have to hide my faith and yet, maybe because it is so easy, I am so apathetic about it all.

I have some friends who are really great. You can just see Jesus in everything they do. Their commitment and joy, it all comes from him. I want that. I want my joy to be in Jesus.

I'm taking a test soon. Its the BOC. Its like the NCLEX or Bar examination of Athletic Training. I want to pass on my first try. But really, its the prideful side of me (and the money worrying since it costs a few hundred every time) that really wants to pass it the first time. The worst thing that would happen is that I take it again in June.

And even if I don't pass it, I still have this peace in Jesus. What more do I need?

By society's standards, I need a lot more. But that is another post for another day.

Sometimes

Sometimes i like to drive recklessly and take pictures of the sunset.

At least the light was green and I'm not running any red lights.

The End All, Be All.

Oh 'ello. It's been a while. I guess.





This past weekend was Night of Champions. It is an all day event put on by APU and FCA for elementary to high school aged kids. They come play games, eat In-n-out, get a shirt, sing some worship songs and listen to a few speakers.



I got to help out with First Aid, meaning we walk around giving kids band aids or ice and have a water station set up, so no one suffers from lack of hydration.

Here is the group that walked around. It was surprisingly eventful with a dislocated shoulder, a bloody nose, a cut-up eyebrow and other bumps and bruises.

The main speaker this year was Jordy Nelson, a current wide receiver with the Green Bay Packers.

For his talk, he sat on the stage with his chaplain and they talked about his motivation and his life. There was no defining moment for his walk with Christ, he grew up in small town Kansas, was really good at football and eventually got drafted.

He kept getting asked if it feels different after winning a super bowl and he really hasn't. There is no difference except the addition of a ring to his possessions. His wife brought clarity to the situation when she told him that this is because it was not the end all, be all of his life. Those are not the exact words he said when recounting his experience but it's my take on the situation.

We were not created to specifically win championships or to find our soulmate or to own a successful business. Those things are great and they add richness to our lives but they should not be the end all, be all. God is.

Out relationship with Jesus is what should drive us to the ends of the earth or across the street. I think I forget this sometimes. In fact, I know I do. I think that I have something to prove. That is why I'm still going to get good grades my last semester of college, that is why I am pursuing graduate study, that is why I do not procrastinate. I have to prove my worth in this world.

But really, I have worth in Christ. That is where my identity lies. That is my end all, be all. All this stuff of the world is just icing on the cake.

Ms. Emma Pidgeon.

Yesterday, I had the immense pleasure of going on a hike with the wonderful Emma Pidgeon.
I have known this girl forever. We met at Victoria Community Church at the age where everyone immediately becomes your friend. I wish I could remember that first day and see if I would ever think that we would remain friends this long. As the years went on we didn't necessarily always hang out. We had other friends at school and in our other extracurricular activities. But we always seemed to connect at church, whether it be a mission trip to Chile or being on the same team at camp (Running Noses) or even just a regular youth group night.

I think this is why our relationship has lasted so long. God was always at our center. There was a time where we would come with analogies about our walks with God and tell them to each other. I mean it also helped our relationship that we were similar in some ways, like our tendency to remember obscure movie facts.

When we were on our hike, we talked about everything. Garcia Trail is almost straight up the mountain so a lot of the time we were huffing and puffing but there was a lot of talking about life, roommates, boys, the future, China, Texas, etc.

This girl has become such a great woman of God. She is confident and ready to continue learning because she knows that there is always something to be taught in this crazy world. The best thing is that she is fully ready to let God lead her where ever. Like China. To go teach English.

I am so proud of her.

And at the top this was waiting for us. It was absolutely breathtaking.

We saw it and we literally fell silent.

Dear friends,

After much consideration, I am taking the job at Baylor. Meaning, I am moving to Waco, Texas in July sometime.

Green and yellow, here I come.

Love, Jane

This past weekend

Circumstances led me to going home this past weekend and staying the night. I stayed from Saturday to Sunday evening. It made me realize how much my little ones are growing up.

Here is Ally (with my mom creeping in the background) and she is making sentences and being a two-year old (which entails being a brat at times. but she is an adorable little brat) But it was the first time I actually felt like an aunt. After dinner I went with Wyatt and Ally to play with some play dough. It was nice that they were not running from me or saying no when I tried to talk to them (this especially happens when Ally decides to be her two year old self). I even stopped some arguments. I can't wait till they're older and I can really spoil them.

And really, I can't blame them when they don't really trust me yet. I'm barely around. I live here, in Azusa. Forty miles is a long time for an aunt.

And then there's Garrett who is at the age who loves me no matter what. I like to believe his crying is him telling me he loves me. That's why I'm ok with it.

P.S. Boy babies look like little old men.

Bear Country

So on Tuesday morning, I boarded a plane to go check out Baylor University. Through a series of emails I planned it out with program director of the graduate program. My thoughts about the trip was that it would be a formal interview for a position as a graduate assistant.

This was the sign that greeted me when I got off at the aiport (it only had three terminals - it was smaller than the airport in Helena, Mt. )

When I got there I stayed with two GAs who cooked me dinner and answered any questions I may have had. I'm not going to lie, there were times of extreme awkwardness but they were super nice and I'm glad I got to meet them.

Apparently, the forecast involved ice rain. So we woke up to a bitter cold with roads and sidewalks of slippery ice. I was almost completely prepared but considering my plans were to look professional, wearing tennis shoes with nice black slacks was not going to work out. Thank goodness I did not pack a skirt or anything. And thankfully, I did not eat it.

It had been on the schedule for me to check out the high school I would be interning at but the weather caused the school to be shut down. Too much ice on the ground. Texas drivers do not know how to drive on ice roads apparently: I was told that between the times of 8:00 and 10:00 there were forty wrecks in the town of Waco. ... Dang.

So instead I spent the day with Jessica, one of the GA's for football and we got to stay cozy warm in this indoor facility:

Sweet huh?

The facilities at the campus are amazing. Both the athletic training rooms for the athletes and the athletic training labs for the program. It will be a huge growing experience in the field of athletic training if I choose to go here.

I also got to sit with the program director, but it really was not a formal interview, like I thought it would be. It was more of a "Here's the program, are you interested?" And I honestly do not know anymore. I can see myself here and I loved the people I met and there will be so many experiences and I liked the classroom set up but I can also see myself elsewhere. And I don't want to give up on UIUC - even though they have not contacted me yet. Because I'm pretty sure those facilities are also just as nice as these are. (After I reread this paragraph, I realize there are a lot of run-on sentences, but that is how streams of consciousness go, so I'm not changing it. Figure it out.)

But it would be warmer in Texas. . .

Anyway, the flight home was an adventure,too. The ice in Dallas made the plane I was supposed to board late. So we took off around 6:00, landed in Houston about 6:55 and I had fifteen minutes to make it to my connection.

I made it. But just barely.

Here's the plane that only had about 24 seats and six people on the plane. It was a very new experience of me.

But the sunset was beautiful.