Just Jane

November Blur

2011-11-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

It is the last day of November.

When did that happen?

So much has happened, from playoffs with the football team, to starting basketball season, to a Texas thanksgiving, to getting into a car accident (whoops), it has been a long month.

And it just keeps going. This is my last week of classes and then I have finals next week and then I'll be back in California the next week. I cannot wait.

I love Texas, I am just ready for friends, family and Mission Inn lights.

I have faith that I am here for a reason, but it is often hard to maintain joy and peace and contentment when the future is so uncertain.

I love the people in my athletic training class. Well, I've finally started to get to know them and be comfortable around them and therefore love has grown. We all wonder why we're getting our Master's. I know for me, it's turning out to be a lot more work then I expected.

And now I just don't know if I want to be an athletic trainer anymore. There are so many politics and misconceptions and stereotypes that exhaust me as much as the school work does. I also do not look good in khaki, which is really just unfortunate, considering it is a given wardrobe dresscode.

So what will I be you ask? I have no idea. But I'm here for another three semesters. Maybe I'll know by then.

format.

2011-10-25T18:48:00.001-07:00

Sorry about how the format is a paragraph. I should probably fix that. Nothing makes a story better than a space between thoughts.

my kids.

2011-10-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

The high school I work at has amazing kids. We had a varsity football game last Friday at Millsap. It is a two and half hour drive. And yet we had so many fans and the guys pulled off a great win. Here is an email from the Principal at that school and what she had to say about the high school I work at: "I would like to commend the students of Crawford High Sschool on their behavior at both games - the JV and the varsity - against Millsap High School this week. I just happened to be walking behind the varsity players as they were going from the high school to the football field. I was highly impressed with the discipline they displayed during that time. Throughout the day on Friday - after our return from Crawford the previous evening - and continuing into the evening, I had MHS fans coming up to me, telling me what respectful players and students you all had. Each had a story of an encounter with a CHS student or group of students and/or the coaches, and each one told their story with great excitement and awe - many saying they had never seen such disciplined/respectful kids! And I recall receiving the same compliments from our fans of your students/athletes after we played you all last year. It is a testament to the leadership portrayed by you all that so many people have so many nice things to say about your youth. I wish I knew your secret!Congratulations on your win last night . . . we wish you continued success as the year progresses."Kayce HaenischPrincipal, Millsap High SchoolHow awesome is that?

Friday Night Blackout.

2011-10-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

Last night my high school boys played a wonderful first half. At halftime, the score was 28-0. Some of them were having a bad games and not getting the tackle or catching the ball but the other guys would pick up the slack and cover for those players. During halftime, I actually got to sit and didn't have to re-tape any guys or check any injuries. The most that happened was that a lineman got his ankle stepped on and his sock ripped. It actually was quite painful for him but there was no ligament damage so I really wasn't too worried about keeping him from playing. And then we start the second half. We're not doing that great really, but we're holding them. And then all of a sudden with six minutes to go in the third quarter, the lights go out. No joke. We are in complete darkness. I'm standing next to one of the guys, freak out, step closer to him and put my arms on him. I then realized what I was doing, let go and walked away. Yeah, I was embarrassed. But I was told later by some other football players that they were scared, too. That made me feel better. Apparently, one of the circuits blew. For twenty minutes, we are in blackness. Luckily, the whole town was there, meaning we had an electrician out there who was able to figure everything out. We finished the game and let them score two touchdowns on us, to which we responded with a wonderful thirty yard throw to a wide receiver who was able to get in the end zone. We won. We're awesome. I know I talk about my players a lot. But I am going to the fair tonight. I know I'll have to have some stories about that.

Bye Week

2011-10-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday and I am putting off studying for a somewhat very important test next week and taking a moment to comment on my life. Last night, I didn't have a high school football game because it was a bye week. It was much needed. My guys are falling apart right now. Hopefully the extra days of minimal hitting helped them and next week will be great. Sometimes its hard to get in my car and drive to Crawford everyday. But when I get there, it just makes sense. I could see my self doing this until I burn out. Which could be soon. Athletic trainers have to put a lot in to prove themselves, for minimal compensation.And at the same time, I am very limited in what I can do. Do you know what I wish? That I had x-ray vision so that I could tell people with 100% accuracy that they have a broken bone. It would save the families money and just be awesome. In the last week, I have found out that four people have broken something. Really maybe five, but there was too much swelling for the x-ray machine to correctly identify a fracture. In most of the cases, I told the kid that it's probably not fractured. Whoops. And really one of them was only a buckle fracture, which basically means the bone bent. In my opinion, that's not a real fracture. I just need to keep reminding myself, I have only been doing this for two months. I should not expect perfection. Just my best.

Fall is technically here

2011-09-25T15:11:00.000-07:00

The days are getting shorter but it is still really hot. September is almost over but December seems so far away. I've only been here two months but it feels like a year. I start to count on doctors being at my home games and when I really need them, they don't show up. Last Friday was a hard night for my football players. Three rolled their ankles, one got a concussion, one broke his elbow (yep, he has surgery on Monday), three players cramped up, one hurt his knee even more.Want to know the difference between this game in Texas and a game at my high school I interned at last year? All these players kept playing. Just put some more tape on their ankles and they are good to go. Just ice the elbow at half time and take him out of kick off return and he's good to go (mind you I only speculated there was a break, I had no diagnostic tools to assess the validity of my thoughts and there was no way I would be able to talk him out of not going back in, especially since his dad had just had cancer surgery and was there to watch him). And the concussion, goodness, the concussion. Thank goodness he's alright. That's all I have to say about that. Can I just tell you how glad I am for a bye week this week?

Confession

2011-09-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

Texas really isn't that bad. No doubt, after the move, I was struggling. Struggling with why I'm here and what an idiot I was to just leave my family and friends. But it's good. It really is. I'm learning to be ok with not knowing everyone. I'm slowing adapting to Texas culture. I'm hanging out with my high school kids and loving them more and more as they tell me stories of chasing chickens. It's an odd thing to know I'll only be here for two years. Well, if I'm even here. Apparently I have to maintain a 3.0 or everything gets taken away. That's never really been a problem for me but what it all of sudden I get a C in a class. That would be the worst. I'm also slowly making some friends that are my own age. Imagine that.

my weekend.

2011-09-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

Thursday5:00 pm Seventh grade football game6:30 pm Eighth grade football game8:00 pm JV football gameFriday7:30 Varsity football game (45 minutes away)Saturday8:00 am High School Cross Country6:00 pm Baylor football gameSundaysleep. and church. maybe make some friends. oh and homework.

deactivate.

2011-09-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I deleted my facebook. I did something kind of stupid and wanted to just pretend it didn't happen. (I feel like that's my defense mechanism.)

And honestly, I have been wanting to delete it for a while. The situation that occurred was just the catalyst. The thing that would always stop me was the fact that I might lose contact with some friends. However, I still have other social media pages and a text or a phone call is way better than a comment anyway. And who doesn't love a hand written note?

On the positive side, I have been doing less stalking. I feel like facebook is always the go-to site for when I don't have anything else to do. (I'm probably not alone in that, let's just be honest.)

So how do I spend my time now, you ask? I wish I could say that now I am more productive with school stuff, but really I just found a new obsession: the newspaper. I get it for free on campus: the Waco Tribune-Herald and the New York Times. I love it. Sometimes I can pick up free internet in my apartment and other times I can't. So when I can't I just read the newspaper and do the crossword. I kind of have become a nerd about it.

I don't miss facebook. At all.

But that doesn't mean I won't ever go back on again. Maybe Christmas time.

Or when I become too obsessed with the newspaper. Any obsession is a bad obsession.

Getting to know who you work with

2011-09-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

I think I'm finally finding a groove with the players and coaches. Its been six weeks and I can honestly say I feel like I know the personality of everyone; girls sports and boys sports.

There's the nice coaches who are just thankful you're there so they will agree with what ever you say and find the information you need.

There's also the coaches who cannot think of anything but football (or volleyball depending on who) and telling them the details will get you nowhere.

And some coaches all you say is hi to because conversation beyond that is just awkward.

And then you have the players: there's the players who are the hopelessly injured. You try to get them better but the next week they just re-sprain their ankle because of their lack of athleticism. But they do have heart. So we tape their ankle and put them back on the field.

There's the player who is so endearing but he ends up getting the season ending injury. He doesn't know that part yet so he remains optimistic and dutifully shows up for treatment.

And there's also the players who are always 'hurt' but really they just need some attention.

I also deal with the player who needs some relationship advice. I really don't have any but me just listening always seems to help.

Then there's the athlete who is going to tape her ankle and continue to go full force even though she's not in season yet. So we need to try and pull her in a bit while avoiding the words 'rehab' and 'no activity' because then she'll just work harder to prove she is NOT injured.

And lastly, there's the players who are the cool kids. Is it crazy that I am still intimidated by these kids? I try to be the "cool" Miss Read but I'm pretty sure they see through my act.

And honestly, I already love all the students I interact with.

The Next Thing

2011-09-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am officially done with the second week of classes. I forgot how taxing it is to be in a classroom for more than two hours. In undergrad, I avoided those classes as soon as I could. But now it is kind of the only time grad students who are working can meet together to learn about things they already know but when asked about it completely forget.

I feel like I have never been more disorganized as a student. I am just struggling with making sure I get to everything. Case in point, last Friday, I completely forgot to go to a MANDATORY orientation at the hospital (its so that I can see surgeries and write papers about them. Joy). Anyway, it completely slipped my mind. I have NEVER done that sort of thing. It worked out and I was able to go to an orientation on Wednesday where I sat in a room where everyone was in their late 20's, married and med students. It was quite an experience.

Anyway, back to my classes.

On Tuesday, I have advanced method of strength and conditioning. This class essentially prepares its students for the CSCS (Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist) test. I have never really thought much about getting my CSCS except that it would put a few more initials after my name and who doesn't want that?

During this class I had an epiphany. We were talking about setting goals with the person we were working with and comparing "outcomes-based" and "task-oriented based." It was during this discussion that I realized why I am having such a hard time being here. I don't know what I'm working for. I don't have a bigger picture goal. And that is how I roll. I am an outcomes-based goal setter.

In high school, I did all my work so that I could get into college and receive a scholarship. In college, I found out about GA positions and worked to get one of those. And now that I'm here I don't know what I'm working towards. Two years is a long time and at the same time, not that long at all. It's too soon to start applying for jobs but its not enough time to just slack.

And I feel like I keep hearing God whispering "Do you trust me?" whenever I wonder what the hell I'm doing in the middle of nowhere or when I digress about not having a significant other or when the heat is too much and I just want the beach.

I am questioning me being here. I am questioning being an athletic trainer the rest of my life. And I am questioning my sanity of moving so far from my family.

And yet God keeps asking "Do you trust me?" And I want to completely trust him and his plan and keep doing what I'm doing until there is a path for me take next. The next outcome. But its so hard to be patient when its 105 degrees outside

But other than that, life is good.

Hardening

2011-08-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

When I was a sophmore in undergrad, there was this senior who was going into the Marines after he graduated. He was an athletic trainer like me and I was placed with him in the same rotation: softball. It was a pretty low key sport and by no means needed two student athletic trainers. However, I did learn a lot from this senior. Because he was goig into the Marines he had already started going to to training. And sometimes he would tell me about it.

He told me about this one training tactic that I thought was pretty genius and yet twisted at the same time. He and the other guys (I don't know if there were girls now that I think about it) would sit in a room and hit their forearms with an object. I forget the exact object they used it could have been a ruler. The point was that they would desensitize their top layer of skin so that minor scrapes and bruises wouldn't bother them as much. April (the head AT) and I would take turns trying to give him Indian burns (is that a politically correct term anymore?) but it would not bother him.

I haven't thought about this for a while hence the details being fuzzy. But I was telling this kid about it because he had an annoying bruise on his forearm that we kept padding during practice so it would not hurt as much. I told him he should do that and in essence harden his skin. I was completely kidding and he did not take me seriously but it got me thinking.

I think this concept could be applied to somethig bigger.

The coaches at my school like to give the kids a hard time when they're hurt. They call them soft or just sigh heavily when they're talkig to them. It bothers me. A lot. But there is literally nothing I can do about it. It is the culture in this town and really it is done to give the kid a hard time and not necessarily done in an abusive way.

So I realize I needed to harden my feelings towards all comments made by the coaches. I am someone who thrives on positive encouragement. This is evidenced by the fact that my favorite coach here is the one who has said I was doing a good job.

But when the head coach is riding the kid who just sprained his ankle during a game, I really need to let it go. I need to talk to the kid myself and say 'I don't care what he says, you are not playing because I do not want you to injure yourself worse.' And then I need to systematically desensitize my self towards anything any of the coaches say.

In essence, harden myself.

Friday Night Lights

2011-08-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first home use of the Pirate Field at my high school. It was only a scrimmage but I realized how much I love what I'm doing. It is so overwhelming the position I am in but at the same time it is so rewarding.

During the scrimmage, I had to cover multiple bleeding wounds. There was this one kid who came back to me two seconds after I covered his elbow and I was giving him a hard time about bleeding too much. I proceeded to cover it, realizing I had to maintain some level of professionalism on the field. He then smiled and said "Thank you! I love you" in an impish sort of way. It absolutely made my day. He by no means meant it in any other way then a child to a caretaker way.

There is something about high schoolers that I absolutely love. They are naive and yet at the same time think they know so much about the world. I'm just glad I'm not still in that phase.

There were some injuries last night that I had to rush on the field to attend to. Thankfully, none were catastrophic but it gave me good practice for when there will be an injury and I will have to activate EMS and c-spine an athlete and it will be me in charge. But until then, I will continue to pray for no injuries.

And I was introduced in front of the whole crowd as the new athletic trainer. I definitely was not expecting that but now everyone has a face to whenever their child talks about their "trainer."

1:200

2011-08-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

Thats the ratio of me to the number of athletes. I knew this number coming in to this job but I didn't think it was that big of deal until I got here. When I am at the high school, there is a constant stream of athletes. Sometimes they are minor injuries and other times it is a career changing injury.

Theres been this kid for the last two weeks who has had this knot in his back. And sometimes there has been numbness and tingling. I thought it was going away but than Monday he said it was worse. After talking to some people that night I started thinking of other things I could do. The next morning he came in and he had a positive compression test. So I told him he needed to go get x-rays. His mom came and it turns out his first rib was broken. Can you believe he's been playing football this long with a fractured rib? I'm just glad nothing more serious happened but now there goes his season. That is really the worse part of this job.

Another part of this job I am not a fan of are the coaches who try to keep it old school. They want to rub some dirt on it. And yes some of the kids need to do this but some of them do have serious injuries. And it is so annoying when the coach yells at the kid to man up when they are getting treatment. But it will get better. Maybe.

Texas Living

2011-08-07T15:15:00.001-07:00

I have officially been in Texas for a week. My parents left Wednesday morning. Not before spoiling me with items for my new apartment. I have already been at my job for five days. Practice starts at 7:00am. I like to be there a half hour before that. And it is about 25 miles from my apartment.

Yes, it has been really early mornings.

But it has, thus far, been worth it. I love the kids already. Wednesday morning I walked into the gym where the cross country team was meeting and received an echo of "Good morning, Miss Read." I interact mostly with football players and volleyball players and they are the politest kids in the world.

The high school is in a small town, and everything they say about small towns is true. Also, it seems that every kid is in a relationship. And I have already heard about the drama of playing and not playing and boyfriend/girlfriend he said/she said.

It has also been very stressful as I am not completely sure of myself. I am just grateful that on the first day of hitting in pads there were not three concussions like there was on my first day at South Hills High School. I have already held a player out to the disappointment of the coach (who is also the athletic director). But now the kid is fine, so I'm not too broken up about the situation. Also, one of the coaches came up to me on Friday, gave me a side hug, and said I was doing a good job for only being here a week. It made my day.

I am currently living on my own, which is an experience of itself. I have already learned I cannot watch creepy shows when it is close to bedtime. My job keeps me busy through the week but on the weekends I have needed to learn to slow down. Which I honestly have not achieved. I pick up my roommate from the airport next Saturday and I cannot wait for the company. I think I miss that the most: community. Face-to-face talking with people my own age or older. Not high schoolers. I do not miss that drama.

This morning I went to a local church, but it did not seem like a good fit for me. Throughout the service, I wavered between wanting to go up to the welcome desk to join a lifegroup to not wanting to. Ultimately, I refrained. If I was on the fence, maybe it just wasn't the time. Next week I'm going to First Baptist of Waco. My sister will be so proud.

Also it has been so hot. Record breaking hot. Texans are hoping for hurricanes to break up this heat wave. It has seriously been the thing that has made me most want to get out here fast. But pretty soon I'll be saying that about the cold. Maybe I'll learn to embrace the weather.

Like I am embracing the quiet in this apartment.

Family Pictures

2011-08-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

I absolutely adore my family.

And I miss them like crazy.

Trevor Dale Comes Home

2011-07-20T23:47:00.000-07:00

Trevor came home from the hospital.
This is him laying next to Haley.
Haley looks like a giant next to him.

camping and boating and fishing. oh my.

2011-07-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went camping with my sister's husband's father's church. (yeah, figure that one out). We went to Lake Piru near Valencia. It was fun just hanging out by the lake. In the mornings, some people would go out and fish. It was awesome because 1. you got to watch the sun rise. 2. Barely any boats were out there and 3. that was when I caught this fish:

The lake used to be stocked with trout but environmentalists made a fuss and now there aren't that many trout fish around. In previous years, almost 50 fish would be caught using the method of trolling. However, it is not common to catch bass or catfish using that method so it was changed to casting and reeling. Last year, there was five fish caught and this year there was only one: the large mouth bass you see before you.

Go big or go home.

Travels.

2011-06-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

When my cousin from Nebraska invited me to road trip back with her family, for some reason I said yes. I got to travel in the back of a minivan with these kids:

And twin three year olds. It was quite entertaining. We basically watched movies the whole time: The incredibles, Toy Story 3, Tangled, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Gnomeo and Juliet (twice), The Princess and the Frog, Tron: Legacy, Race to Witch Mountain, Sleeping Beauty, Scooby Doo episodes and Scooby Doo movie.

We even got to watch the sunset somewhere in Utah.

I really enjoy spending time with this side of the family considering I have not seen them for five years. We're trying to change that.

Swim Time

2011-06-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

She'd rather be somewhere else.

Someone is a fan of swimming.

the sound of thoughts

2011-06-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

Ever since my ipod met an untimely demise a few months ago, I have been running without any music to keep me company. And let’s say it has led to a lot of thinking time between the heavy breathing and thoughts of quitting. Today, it has led to some conclusions:

1. Dogs run at you until they can no longer see you. (Some call it protecting their home. Others call it annoying. I find it endearing.) Cats, squirrels and bunnies run from you. (I may or may not have seen all these animals in just today’s run). And horses stare at you. (They are either thinking you are crazy for running or are jealous of your freedom. Either way, they are judging you.)

2. Always run through mother’s nature obstacle course. While there is a higher chance of hurting yourself, jumping over flower bushes and trekking through sand makes the journey that much more interesting. And it probably puts on a show for the cars driving past you and maybe you make their day when you stumble and almost fall on your face. (Yes, almost. I caught myself).

3. Speaking of cars, don’t try and compete with the cars and get frustrated they are beating you up the street. They have more horsepower than the one horse that judged you earlier. They are supposed to beat you.

4. While running down a steep slope leads to high impact on the body, it does help you pick up speed while trying to navigate the obstacle course. It may also lead to the stumbling I talked about earlier.

5. Ending with an upward climb up a hill is never a smart idea. Living at the top of a long-ish driveway does not help this matter.

6. Thinking about anything serious only leads to depressing to do lists and anxious thoughts about moving. In this instance, maybe the music is missed.

.

Trevor dale.

2011-06-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

Trevor dale. 3 lbs, 11 oz. He was born about 9 weeks early.

It's weird being an aunt. I already love him but I haven't even laid eyes on him. I also will probably not be able to hold him before I leave. By Christmas, he is going to be so big.

Please be praying?

memorial day weekend

2011-05-31T01:03:00.000-07:00

This past weekend has been memorable for a memorial kind of weekend.

On Friday I went to Mexico with a group of 26 people. We built a house in a day. It really wasn't much of a house. Yeah, we can pat ourselves on the back saying we did good but it was so minimal. And yet, God used it to bless Hector and his family. In small ways, things happen and change.

And then on Monday, I went to Salvation Mountain with some friends. Basically, it is a painted rock with Christian motifs. The guy with the vision behind it is Leonard Knight. He just wanted to keep it simple:

How great is that? He was also around during the sixties so that might also have something to do with it.

And, because the weekend doesn't end on monday during the summer, on Tuesday, my friends and I had a get together. It was a progressive dinner and it was probably the best graduation/birthday/goodbye party ever. I love these girls.

Anyway, this whole weekend made me realize how incredibly blessed I am.

And it has come to my attention that I have about sixty days before I move to Texas. Crazy.

last week of undergrad.

2011-05-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

Last week was the last time I would be on APU campus as a student. So let's go through the week.

Monday: Softball game

Winston. I'm pretty sure he does not put on a normal face for any picture.
But our team won. NBD.

Group picture.

Yeah, I made it to second base.

Wednesday: Lyndsay and I visited South Hills

Darrick trying to jump in the background.

Yeah, this is the norm at South Hills.

Thursday: ATEP awards banquet.

Ashley and I with the Asians, aka Glory and Isak

I absolutely love this picture, it's candid and yet not and definitely does not get the whole group but it makes me happy every time I see it.

Ashley and I with the Kim, Chrissy and Sarah.
On nights like these we ditch the khaki and polo for something classy.

We were playing with our stolls.

I definitely would not have been able to get through the last four years without my fellow peers.

Saturday: GRADUATION!! (just a few of the pictures)

We so excited.

My parents. Love them.

Football players. Enough said.

....

2011-05-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

Megan McBratney. She's pretty cool. And now we're graduates. Too bad I'm moving 1,000 miles away and she'll probably find new friends in her doctorate program.

I'm sad we didn't become friends till our senior year. But whatever, we're hanging out this summer.

Was it worth it?

2011-05-03T21:22:00.000-07:00

Today, I received the email I was waiting for. The email saying I could go to this website to see if I passed or did not pass the national certification test for athletic training.

When I saw it sitting in my inbox, time sort of stopped. I just couldn't look at the email right away because I could not deal with the possibility of failure.

I started going over my plan for if this happened. It wouldn't be too bad. I would just sign up to take it again. I'd have to wait till June, but it would work out. And then I could just apply for temporary licensure for my Texas gig. It would work out. I would be out a couple hundred bucks but it would work out.

And then I opened it and saw the lovely little word behind status: passed.

I just couldn't contain myself I jumped and screamed and probably kicked a little bit (after placing my laptop gently on the table next to me of course). And thankfully my biggest lifesaver this year was in the room and jumped and screamed (louder) and hugged me.

And then I had the horrible thought of "what if I read it wrong?"

So I looked at the screen again. Read all the script on the page and proceeded to jump and scream and shout again.

It is still sinking in that I passed this test. It is the accumulation of my four years being at this university. In the past few months I have spent more time at the library studying the differences between heat stroke and heat exhaustion and memorizing muscle insertions and origins and general medical terms than I did at my actual apartment. I put so much effort into this in the hopes I would be able to move to Texas ready to be an athletic trainer. It is amazing what the addition of those three little letters to your last name does to your self-esteem.

And to think I almost waited to take it. When I was considering this I asked my dad for advice on the situation. I explained all the pros and cons; the biggest pro being I would have more time to study. And his advice? "The sooner the better. You don't know what's going to happen in June." Great advice, Dad.

That day, I proceeded to sign up for the April test.

And it was worth it. I'm glad to be where I'm at.

I was hanging out with a friend at his work and he asked me if I wanted to see pictures of his cruise he recently went on. We then proceeded to look at all the pictures he was tagged in. And he definitely had some adventures here at APU; a lot of them drunken adventures (he has since given up drinking and hopefully starting a community house in Oregon sometime in the future) and I realize I don't have those types of stories from APU. I have a lot of stories of staying late in the ATR or helping an injured off the field or staying countless hours in the library so that I didn't have to work on a paper the day before it was due (yes, I rarely procrastinated on my papers).

And I'm ok with that. Because as my classmates are finishing papers and taking tests for online classes they had to take to fill up unit requirements, I am done. I turned in my last paper today and found out I'm certified.

Now I'm off to make some funfetti cookies. Best day ever.

Love,

Jane Read, ATC

Back to the lib.

2011-05-02T10:43:00.000-07:00

Pages are done. Now I just need to go back and edit and pretty much make it sound intellectual and polish it up a bit

As I'm sitting here in the library, I've come to some conclusions.

1. People do not know how to plug in their headphones. That is the only way I can explain the soft but distinct music coming from somewhere in the computer lab.

2. I am so over coming up with new ways to say promote and invest and change.

3. Waking up is always easy when you are in a strange place. Because our lease ended on Friday, I am staying at my friend Lyndsay's apartment. When I left home this past weekend I packed up a week of clothes. I felt like I was on my way to camp.

4. You know its finals week when everyone in the library has bags under their eyes and they have a face that distinctly says "Go away." And everyone thinks they have it worse than everybody else. Except for me, I'm pretty sure I have it great. I just need to finish this paper and I am done because I took my last final this morning.

5. I am currently waiting for an email about results of test I recently took. I have now checked my email 12 times in the past hour. I think its time for a distraction.

Last week of undergraduate....whaaaa?

2011-05-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting in the library trying to finish my last paper. I can't decide if I am avoiding it because I do not want to admit this whole undergraduate experience is truly coming to an end or because I am at a point full of no inspiration to write about athletic training legislation. You decide.

So I will blog.

It is surreal to think I will soon not be a student of APU. There's still a lot of loose ends to tie up. And then it is time to get prepared for Texas.

I recently checked on the NATA career center and I just saw the perfect GA position for me in Chicago, IL. But I already committed to Baylor and it would be a terrible thing to back out on that for something that may not happen (considering I would still have to apply and all that). It is only perfect because it is a small school very similar to APU and it is in Chicago; the place I fell in love with last summer. I want to go back and actually live there but instead I will be going to Middle of Nowhere, Texas.

Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for this next step. But did I rush into it? If I had been a slacker this year I would have waited and procrastinated and eventually gotten around to applying for GA spots and would have been able to apply to this other spot in Chicago. However, that is not me. I am not a slacker, which I guess is a good thing considering I'm graduating cum laude. And while its not the top honor, it'll do.

And I know Baylor will be great. At least, I hope.

And now it is back to paper writin' so that I can do something fun tonight and have nothing hanging over my head.

Rad Red

2011-04-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

My intramural soccer team won the championship.

Here's Team Rad Red.

It's the little things in life.

And my parents came. Even though we played at 10:30 at night. They're really great.

Yesterday.

2011-03-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

I went to the beach yesterday. It was a nice break from life.

In my next life I'm owning a woody and living at the beach.

"God even cares about us making happy hour"

2011-03-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

On Friday I got to hang out with the lovely Lyndsay Dean. We were on a mission to find bridesmaid dresses for her wedding, which I get to be a part of this summer. (We were in Crate and Barrel for this shot. They looked real enough to eat. Too bad they were plastic) Anyway, we had planned to eat cheap that night, so we were looking for a happy hour. But, alas, the places at Victoria Gardens were not accommodating. So we went to Lucilles BBQ because I had never been there. So we went to the bar area because we're both 21 and there was no waiting. And, luckily, cheap appetizers. We had no idea, just assumed we missed it. So we got some drinks and BBQ meat goodness with some biscuits and apple butter (I can't wait for the south living). So I made a joke that I love it when everything comes together and Lyndz make the quip that "God even cares about us making happy hour." I can't decide if that is blasphemy or not. But do you ever have some things just work out perfectly? And while to another person it is just the mundane details of life, like waking up on time even though you don't set your alarm. Does God really care about these small things in our lives? At church, we have been going through a series about Prayer. It has been inspiring to say the least. Today it was praying with thanksgiving. How often do we just ask without praising our God first, and maybe, only? Before, it was about praying with expectation. But be prepared for answers of "Not now" or "This way instead." Can we be perfectly satisfied when things don't go the way we ask them to? Absolutely. Because it is usually better. So we just live our lives. And sometimes things work out great. We get an extra 10% off, which brings some relief. Or we get an extension on a paper, that we are only half way done with. These mundane details of life somehow bring us joy and we can only praise God for this good fortune. But I can't help but wonder, why does He care so much? Or maybe it is just our egotistical human ways that makes us think that God even cares about happy hour.

Francis Chan. BOC. Jesus.

2011-03-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Today, Francis Chan talked in chapel. I'm pretty sure its safe to say most people love that guy. He is just so intense. He talks about other people who inspire him, but its crazy to think that he inspires the 4,000 people (college students, family members, faculty) that listened to him today. (At chapel there were so many people that they opened the back bleachers. And it's not like 12 people sat there. There was easily another 75. And then there is the pod cast. Who knows how many people listen to that.)

Anyway, how great would it be to just go. I like where I'm going in life, but sometimes I feel trapped. I have to finish college. I can't go too far (long term) because my family is reproducing at an exponential rate and I want to be there (they want me there, too, I hope.) And then there's my friends. I want to be there for their new boyfriends and new adventures and art shows. But sometimes, we have to just go.

I went for a walk today around my neighborhood. There's a path that leads to a man made river and it is just surrounded by mountains. It's really pretty. But I was just struck by how lucky I am. I don't have to hide my faith and yet, maybe because it is so easy, I am so apathetic about it all.

I have some friends who are really great. You can just see Jesus in everything they do. Their commitment and joy, it all comes from him. I want that. I want my joy to be in Jesus.

I'm taking a test soon. Its the BOC. Its like the NCLEX or Bar examination of Athletic Training. I want to pass on my first try. But really, its the prideful side of me (and the money worrying since it costs a few hundred every time) that really wants to pass it the first time. The worst thing that would happen is that I take it again in June.

And even if I don't pass it, I still have this peace in Jesus. What more do I need?

By society's standards, I need a lot more. But that is another post for another day.

Sometimes

2011-03-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i like to drive recklessly and take pictures of the sunset.

At least the light was green and I'm not running any red lights.

The End All, Be All.

2011-03-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

Oh 'ello. It's been a while. I guess.

This past weekend was Night of Champions. It is an all day event put on by APU and FCA for elementary to high school aged kids. They come play games, eat In-n-out, get a shirt, sing some worship songs and listen to a few speakers.

I got to help out with First Aid, meaning we walk around giving kids band aids or ice and have a water station set up, so no one suffers from lack of hydration.

Here is the group that walked around. It was surprisingly eventful with a dislocated shoulder, a bloody nose, a cut-up eyebrow and other bumps and bruises.

The main speaker this year was Jordy Nelson, a current wide receiver with the Green Bay Packers.

For his talk, he sat on the stage with his chaplain and they talked about his motivation and his life. There was no defining moment for his walk with Christ, he grew up in small town Kansas, was really good at football and eventually got drafted.

He kept getting asked if it feels different after winning a super bowl and he really hasn't. There is no difference except the addition of a ring to his possessions. His wife brought clarity to the situation when she told him that this is because it was not the end all, be all of his life. Those are not the exact words he said when recounting his experience but it's my take on the situation.

We were not created to specifically win championships or to find our soulmate or to own a successful business. Those things are great and they add richness to our lives but they should not be the end all, be all. God is.

Out relationship with Jesus is what should drive us to the ends of the earth or across the street. I think I forget this sometimes. In fact, I know I do. I think that I have something to prove. That is why I'm still going to get good grades my last semester of college, that is why I am pursuing graduate study, that is why I do not procrastinate. I have to prove my worth in this world.

But really, I have worth in Christ. That is where my identity lies. That is my end all, be all. All this stuff of the world is just icing on the cake.

Ms. Emma Pidgeon.

2011-02-27T21:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had the immense pleasure of going on a hike with the wonderful Emma Pidgeon.
I have known this girl forever. We met at Victoria Community Church at the age where everyone immediately becomes your friend. I wish I could remember that first day and see if I would ever think that we would remain friends this long. As the years went on we didn't necessarily always hang out. We had other friends at school and in our other extracurricular activities. But we always seemed to connect at church, whether it be a mission trip to Chile or being on the same team at camp (Running Noses) or even just a regular youth group night.

I think this is why our relationship has lasted so long. God was always at our center. There was a time where we would come with analogies about our walks with God and tell them to each other. I mean it also helped our relationship that we were similar in some ways, like our tendency to remember obscure movie facts.

When we were on our hike, we talked about everything. Garcia Trail is almost straight up the mountain so a lot of the time we were huffing and puffing but there was a lot of talking about life, roommates, boys, the future, China, Texas, etc.

This girl has become such a great woman of God. She is confident and ready to continue learning because she knows that there is always something to be taught in this crazy world. The best thing is that she is fully ready to let God lead her where ever. Like China. To go teach English.

I am so proud of her.

And at the top this was waiting for us. It was absolutely breathtaking.

We saw it and we literally fell silent.

Dear friends,

2011-02-16T18:11:00.000-08:00

After much consideration, I am taking the job at Baylor. Meaning, I am moving to Waco, Texas in July sometime.

Green and yellow, here I come.

Love, Jane

This past weekend

2011-02-16T18:01:00.000-08:00

Circumstances led me to going home this past weekend and staying the night. I stayed from Saturday to Sunday evening. It made me realize how much my little ones are growing up.

Here is Ally (with my mom creeping in the background) and she is making sentences and being a two-year old (which entails being a brat at times. but she is an adorable little brat) But it was the first time I actually felt like an aunt. After dinner I went with Wyatt and Ally to play with some play dough. It was nice that they were not running from me or saying no when I tried to talk to them (this especially happens when Ally decides to be her two year old self). I even stopped some arguments. I can't wait till they're older and I can really spoil them.

And really, I can't blame them when they don't really trust me yet. I'm barely around. I live here, in Azusa. Forty miles is a long time for an aunt.

And then there's Garrett who is at the age who loves me no matter what. I like to believe his crying is him telling me he loves me. That's why I'm ok with it.

P.S. Boy babies look like little old men.

Bear Country

2011-02-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

So on Tuesday morning, I boarded a plane to go check out Baylor University. Through a series of emails I planned it out with program director of the graduate program. My thoughts about the trip was that it would be a formal interview for a position as a graduate assistant.

This was the sign that greeted me when I got off at the aiport (it only had three terminals - it was smaller than the airport in Helena, Mt. )

When I got there I stayed with two GAs who cooked me dinner and answered any questions I may have had. I'm not going to lie, there were times of extreme awkwardness but they were super nice and I'm glad I got to meet them.

Apparently, the forecast involved ice rain. So we woke up to a bitter cold with roads and sidewalks of slippery ice. I was almost completely prepared but considering my plans were to look professional, wearing tennis shoes with nice black slacks was not going to work out. Thank goodness I did not pack a skirt or anything. And thankfully, I did not eat it.

It had been on the schedule for me to check out the high school I would be interning at but the weather caused the school to be shut down. Too much ice on the ground. Texas drivers do not know how to drive on ice roads apparently: I was told that between the times of 8:00 and 10:00 there were forty wrecks in the town of Waco. ... Dang.

So instead I spent the day with Jessica, one of the GA's for football and we got to stay cozy warm in this indoor facility:

Sweet huh?

The facilities at the campus are amazing. Both the athletic training rooms for the athletes and the athletic training labs for the program. It will be a huge growing experience in the field of athletic training if I choose to go here.

I also got to sit with the program director, but it really was not a formal interview, like I thought it would be. It was more of a "Here's the program, are you interested?" And I honestly do not know anymore. I can see myself here and I loved the people I met and there will be so many experiences and I liked the classroom set up but I can also see myself elsewhere. And I don't want to give up on UIUC - even though they have not contacted me yet. Because I'm pretty sure those facilities are also just as nice as these are. (After I reread this paragraph, I realize there are a lot of run-on sentences, but that is how streams of consciousness go, so I'm not changing it. Figure it out.)

But it would be warmer in Texas. . .

Anyway, the flight home was an adventure,too. The ice in Dallas made the plane I was supposed to board late. So we took off around 6:00, landed in Houston about 6:55 and I had fifteen minutes to make it to my connection.

I made it. But just barely.

Here's the plane that only had about 24 seats and six people on the plane. It was a very new experience of me.

But the sunset was beautiful.

Brrrrrrr

2011-02-02T23:31:00.000-08:00

Maybe I don't want to live here?

My car.

2011-02-01T17:39:00.001-08:00

I just want my car back. I hope its done by Friday.

Intramurals

2011-02-01T17:28:00.000-08:00

I have another job on campus besides my wonderful laundry job.

I am a first responder for intramurals. This means that I have a backpack with bandaids and icebags and a cooler of ice and when someone gets hurt I ask them what's wrong. Technically, I'm not allowed to fully eval any injury that occurs but I sometimes do and just tell them to ice it and take it easy.

Last night there was a kid that got elbowed in the head and blood was gushing everywhere. My friend Brad works with me and he was the one that had to deal with it. I'm all for blood and guts but sometimes I just don't want to deal with some people especially when they don't seem very grateful.

Another aspect of my job is keeping score and keeping track of fouls. It is sometimes a stressful task especially when the teams take this type of competition way too seriously. One good thing about this job is that I am learning more about the nuances of basketball and the little hand signals and things like that. Some of the refs I work with make the job so much more fun. They are usually basketball players for the school and they are just there to have fun. Which is what it should be.

This is my view during the game. And the score clock that I had to figure out. Last night, I also learned how to set it all up because of people being late and what not. I have many hats on when it comes to intramurals.

Soccer starts soon. It will be my first time playing since freshman year. I'm excited.

Oh softball.

2011-01-30T11:53:00.000-08:00

I always like to tell you all stories about my job. So here is another one.

This time with pictures.

It's more of an informative narrative because well nothing has happened yet. Which is good. It means I have not screwed up and mixed chemicals and changed the color of the uniforms. I mean, I'm not saying that has exactly happened but it might have.

So here I am armed with the spray and wash... About to start the season of washing softball uniforms to get their stains from the grass and dirt out. I really think it is a losing battle.

This combination is only a temporary solution. The white will not stay white. I personally think we need to get oxiclean and I've mentioned this to my boss. Instead he invested in this other type of detergent that is supposed to be specifically for white uniforms. I also use spray and wash to complement the whole process.

My honest opinion is that I think its kind of stupid to play in so much white. They're going to get dirty and pretty soon it will get to the point where the stains are so set in that it will seem that its supposed to be that way. And the softball program will have to purchase a new set of uniforms. I think its a better investment to just get other colors.

I am all for getting dirty while playing the game but you also need to not be so dirty at the end of the day that the stains do not come out and eventually you just start to look unprofessional because of the set in stains.

Now back to work and washing the whites twice because I will at least try to get the stains out to make the boss man happy.

Have a lovely sunday friends :)

P.S. I'm kind of excited about the rain.

I've got a black belt in long days

2011-01-25T22:38:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, I had the immense joy of walking out my door to the realization that my car was gone. I walked around the neighborhood, second guessed where I parked it but eventually called the police about 9:3o am.

Officer Nunez came and took my statement. When I finally got a hold of my mom that day because my father was in Mexico on a mission trip with Power (Check it out), she told me to call AAA. About two hours after making a claim, I get a call that they found my car in El Monte (about 4:00 pm).

It apparently costs a lot more to get a car out of an impound lot on a weekend so my wonderful roommate Ashley took me to El Monte on Monday to retrieve the car. First, we had to stop by the police department to pick up a release paper. (This was kind of exciting considering I only have impressions of what the interior would look like from television shows. It was kind of low key. Nothing flashy.) The officer took all my information and gave me the devastating knews that he could not release it to me because I am not the registered owner.

However, I used my amazing communication skills and convinced him to do it (meaning he took pity on me and let me call my mom so that she could give permission over the phone.) I would like to think it was the former.

So then Ashley takes me to the classy towing place called "Mac's." Again, did not know what to expect. But considering it was across the street from an Albertos and smelled like grease and oil, it definitely lived up to my expectations.

I pay the exorbitant fee because I just want my freaking car back. Ashley was willing to fight for me but I called her off. It was not a battle I needed to fight. I asked the guy if it's in working condition and in his ever professional customer service voice he replies "I don't know. There are a lot of vehicles here." Thank you kind sir for working with me.

Another worker comes and leads me to the car. I approach with caution and pray that it starts so that I can get out of the place before I let my mind start to wander to horror movies with undesirable consequences. And if it does not start then I would just have to call AAA to tow it and that would just put icing on the whole experience.

I open the door ... and all the emotions stirring up inside of me the past few days just hits me. I just start crying. I didn't cry when I realized my car was gone and I was not able to go work out. I didn't cry in relief when they called and told me they found my car. No, I cried because as I looked at the trash strewn on the floor (because every stored paper was rifled through) and the carved out dashboard (because the fancy $90 Sony radio caught their eye) I just felt violated.

I put the key in the ignition and drove down the street, pulled over, and cried some more. Ashley was great, she just started organizing the crap.

I called my AAA agent and I made a statement, went over some details and just drove it back to my house in Azusa.

Today was a busy day of dealing with details. I took it to the repair shop, went over the damage, went to AAA to get an affadavit notarized and sent to my agent, faxed my towing receipt to AAA so that they can refund that expense (Praise God). And of course when it was all done, I just cried some more because as I was riding my bike from place to place it was just time to think and I started to just hate this faceless individual. I hated that I was being put through all this inconvenience. I hated that I couldn't just let my mom or dad take care of it (seeing as my dad was still out of town and my mom had work and her life 40 miles away). I hated that I had to grow up. I hated that I had to go through old receipts to find just the right information to put on the affadavit. I hated that as I went about my day, I kept thinking of things that were in my car and that were now in the possession of someone else.

But really, its all just stuff. Yeah, I'm sad that my soccer ball was in the back and it is no longer there and I'm sad that most of my CD's are gone and I'm sad that my athletic training pack is gone (don't worry they left the bandaids and tape so I can still save some lives), but again its stuff. And I have a lot to be thankful for through this experience.

Like the mom and pop repair shop that I was referred to. They were so nice and so welcoming. And my wallet and computer were not in there, even though I have been known to leave these things in the trunk. And the person did not take my Taylor Swift cd, which is the one that I was worried most about as I realized it was still in the car. And when I went to AAA today, the lady was super nice and talkative. And my sister had bought me a bike last year that I was able to utilize these past few days (it's a crap bike because the chain keeps catching and the paint is chipping but it has character and it has two wheels.)

And I am also learning to rely on other people for rides (when I really need them-like at midnight after work, I'm not going to bike home. I'm not stupid especially when there's been some timely warnings that out lovely campus safety likes to inform the APU community of). I'm learning to let go because why get uptight over the little stuff.

It's out of my hands. I mean, I have to make sure the agent got all the papers tomorrow, and then I just wait till my car is ready to get picked up.

Until then, I'm just chilling in A town. And dealing with long days. I really think it should be Friday already.

Growing up.

2011-01-16T10:59:00.001-08:00

These are my friends Danielle and Alicia. They are my oldest friends. I have known Alicia since before we started Kindergarten. Our mothers knew each other through sewing and so we became friends. In fact, there is a picture of us in our apple dresses (that our mothers made) sitting on the swings in the playground. I think because of this connection we are probably going to be friends forever even though we don't hang out all that much anymore.

However, over break I got to hang out with these two. We went dancing and were just able to catch up on each other's lives. Funny story: when we were in second grade, Alicia and I didn't really want to play with Danielle (you know how elementary friendships go). So one time during free play, we hid from Danielle under the computer tables. But there was a sharp pin sticking out and it stabbed Alicia in the head and she just started gushing blood. I still feel terrible. Both about hiding from Danielle and picking the spot where we hid, which turned out to be hazardous to Alicia's health.

Anyway, it was just great seeing them because we are all doing our own thing but we were still able to relate and commiserate about our troubles.

I also recently got to hang out with Emma, Alex and Arielle. Other girls that I have known all my life. Our late night adventures included a DUI checkpoint, running red lights, red velvet cream pie, the house they filmed for Disturbia, jacuzzi and Pretty Little Liars. For some reason whenever we get together, we revert to being 12 years old. It's kind of refreshing that I have friends that I can do this with.

They're just great.

It's days like these.

2011-01-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

Today I spent most of the day scrapbooking. For some reason I have been in the mood to paste together memories and funny stories in an aesthetically pleasing way. It's been fun; reliving memories, coming up with corny one liners to try and explain a picture, figuring out how to utilize 12x12 sheet of paper the best way.

Anyway about the time that I realized I spent a good few hours scrapbooking, I realized I needed to go for a walk, get some fresh air. Armed with my camera and with Turbo on a leash, I ventured outside to capture the amazing sunset that was starting to form.

It's days like these that make Riverside not so bad.

Presents.

2011-01-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a lot more fun when you have two year olds super excited to open presents. Isn't my sister just beautiful?

Harry Potter.

2011-01-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

For some reason I had the goal this break to read through all the Harry Potter books. I practically grew up reading the books but I realized that I had not read them in a while. So I decided to read them all. I am a fast reader so it really was not a problem. The only thing that was a bummer was that I could not find the third book. So technically, I did not read that one. It took me only two days to get through the last two books. I stayed in my room 12 hours. Just reading.

I know. I'm a nerd. And I'm ok with that. But I feel like I have learned some valuable lessons from this series.

1. Play to your strengths. Harry faced dragons on his broomstick because that was what he was good at. He did not need some fancy spell to trick the dragon. He did what he was best at.

2. Don't give up hope. Ginny never gave up hope that Harry might one day like her back. She moved on and dated other people but through this she just became more comfortable around Harry and then he realized he liked who she was. There's always hope.

3. You make your own choices. Sometimes we can not determine our circumstances but we can choose how we respond to them. Harry could have been sorted into Slytherin but he asked to be put into Gryffindor. Multiple times throughout the series he could have just chosen not to act. But he always wanted to. He always chose to do the right thing.

4. Friendships always last when they are forged fighting a troll. I think it is our friends that get us through the tough times in life. Harry, Hermione and Ron became great friends after the troll incident. Sure, there were times when they didn't speak to each other because of jealousy but in the end, they only had each other. And in reality, when will we ever fight trolls but maybe there's a metaphor somewhere in there.

And last,

5. Love wins. Dumbledore continually tried to stress this to Harry but he did not get the extent of what that means. The Dark Lord could not love anyone and therefore thought it was irrelevant. But Harry was saved because the love of his mom, Harry was protected by this throughout the series so much so that the Dark Lord was not able to touch him. And sometimes love can even be found in friendship or showing mercy.

Lately, I'm having a hard time breaking up with this series since I am going to have to enter reality soon and go back to classes and clinicals and work and obstacles. And really, I do not think that I would want to go to Hogwarts. All that magic would just get annoying. I'm ok with doing things the old fashioned way.

Mamika

2010-12-15T22:03:00.000-08:00

Go here.
http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/grandmas-superhero-therapy-18

Just go there. So cool.

Celebrity couples

2010-12-13T15:45:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I admit that I am often intrigued by the attention given to celebrities and their personal life. Sometimes it is easy to ignore especially when you are not watching the current television shows so you don't really recognize the celebs on the front page of the tabloids (I am actually quite excited when this happens especially when I have been known to know a lot of random things about celebs. I blame my stalker memory for this though)

As it so happens, my homepage is yahoo.com. Today, while procrastinating on finishing my research paper that is due in a few hours, I decided to browse this website and there was a headline about a celebrity couple break up that caught my eye: Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron. Because of my high school celebrity crush past, I decided to peruse this article.

There was no drama about it but there was an interesting comment made about the break up: "They were together for so long. It just ran its course."

They were together for three years.

I didn't know that was a long time. I mean, in this day and age, I guess it can be considered a long time. Especially since they were a couple of celebs.

Its just interesting that we have relegated relationships to 'running their course.'

At church this weekend, the pastor said something intriguing. He was talking about Mary and how she was 13 when she became pregnant with Jesus. He said something about how we are so shocked at this but at this age people were often promised to wed someone. And how there was less divorce in this culture because they were taught that love grows. It is not just a mushy feeling that we get when we are around a certain person.

I think that is why family is so important to have because no matter what, they have to love you. It doesn't matter how long you are around them. It can't just run its course and you drift away. I mean, there might be things that happen in any family situation; but there is still love. And you can't break up with your family.

But relationships can break up. They can run their course. Instead of working at making things better and admitting being wrong and apologizing, people give up. And they drift apart.

So the good news about this all is that Zac Efron is back on the market; so for anyone who still has the celebrity crush, there's still hope.

As for me, I think that crush has run its course.

Cleaning to Avoid

2010-11-28T12:56:00.001-08:00

These past few days when I have been at my house in Azusa, I have had the urge to just clean and organize. I am rarely home during the day and this past week I have been off from clinical. Meaning that instead of going to South Hills from 2 to whenever and then going straight to work or the library I have been at home.

And when you are around a mess for so long, it gets to you. And you can't help but clean and organize and scrub and drain-o that drain that is shared by three ladies with long hair.

I was telling my mom this when I went home for thanksgiving and she offered to let me organize her sewing room. I declined and the conversation went on. We talked about school, homework, roommates, friends, gifts, church and then grad school. I told her I was avoiding hitting submit. And then she said "Oh so that's why you are cleaning."

Bingo. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I mean, don't get me wrong, out house was messy but not as messy as I am probably making it seem. It was just something that I was doing to avoid that stupid admission essay.

But I finally finished it this morning. And we'll see what happens. Maybe nothing. And I don't even have a back up in line. I just want to go to this one school. I probably shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, but for now that is what I am doing. I am looking at other options. But I'm not as excited at any of those.

Maybe it will just be a year off next year. And I'm just going to have to be ok with that.

Or maybe I'll get it.

Time will tell.

Big Sky Country

2010-11-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

AKA Montana.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to Montana with APU football for the first round of playoffs. Chrissy, the Grad Assistant was in a wedding and couldn't make it. Glory, the head football AT, usually travels with her and two students. So he asked me to go and because we took a charter flight, another student got to go, too. It was one big happy family.

Here is a photo blog of the whole experience.

At the airport. Airports always make me go insane. Before we were able to board we had to tell them how much we weighed so that they could spread it out evenly, or something like that. Apparently last time APU took a charter flight, the plane wouldn't take off because there were too many heavy people concentrated in the front.

This is Glory and Duke. Pat Duke is the team physician. Duke is probably the most ridiculous individual in the world. He is so smart and so crass and yet so generous. He gives up his time to go to all the games with the team just so that we always have a team doc with us. And he always takes Glory and all the athletic training students out to eat. This time he took us to a very nice steak dinner.

This was our first view of Montana.

While we waited for our luggage we had a nice little photo shoot outside the airport. It was snowing. And our lack of layers made it really cold.

This was the view out our hotel window on the day of the game. We woke up to a nice blanket of this.

Here we are all bundled up, ready for the game. We also put on a huge outer layer of a jacket. But we knew that for treatment and taping we would get sweaty if we had everything on.

This was the entire game weather. Ashley and I were on first aid. Meaning our main job was to give the players cups of chicken broth. And use the chicken broth to melt the ice that closed up the water bottles. Other things we had the players do was put skin lube on their faces, put plastic bags on their feet in between sock layers, and hand and feet warmers. The table with the water had icicles hanging off the edges. The final weather report was that it was 5 degrees and -9 degrees with the wind chill.

This is us after the game. Our cheeks were so red. I'm just glad we came back with all our extremities.

At the airport ready to go home. Of course we had a photoshoot. This was one of my favorites. Too bad seats are crooked when we try to do a timer shot.

Ashley and I with some of the players. Still at the airport waiting to board.

This is our excited face that we got to wait on the plane for an hour and a half before it took off. Something about the weather and it being cold. It was just great. P.S. We weren't that excited. At all. (also this is Nick. Last year, he went down in the first home game and was unable to play the rest of the season. He took a medical redshirt and came back this year to play. When he went down, it was also my first time going out on the field to an injured player. We're kinda like best friends because of it. Ok. Not really.)

And that was the trip. APU lost but they played so well for most of them being Southern California boys with no concept of playing football in the snow. The final score was 35-21 and the last two touch downs Carroll scored were in the last 5 minutes. It was like we couldn't hold them anymore because we were so numb and probably so ready to get out of the snow.

brrrrr.

2010-11-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

Current Montana Weather

High 22 degree

Low 2 degree.

Tomorrow (game day)

High 11 degree

Low -2 degree

NBD.

At least it'll be pretty.

Last League Game

2010-11-13T10:03:00.000-08:00

Last night was the last league game for South Hills. If they won then there would have been a chance at playoffs. Meaning that they would play next week and get pummeled by a team like Centennial.

They played probably the best game ever and they lost in overtime. It was one of the most heartbreaking things. First the other team scored and then we scored and then we scored again. So its 14-7 going into the second half. We score again and make it 21-7. And then they get a touch down. And then they get another one. So its tied. We answer back with a touch down. And in the last two minutes so do they. So its ties 28-28 and we go into over time.

For high school the overtime rule is that both teams get four downs at the 35 yard line (it might be 25 or 40. semantics..) Any way, we go first and all we can get is a field goal. And when the other team goes they get a touch down. It was like a punch in the stomach when they got the touchdown.

The boys played so great though. So proud of them.
This is when someone went down. They all took a knee. So precious.

Manning first aid with two of the girls from Darrick's Athletic Training class.

Here's Lyndsay stretching out a cramp. It was insane. In the last quarter about four guys started getting cramps.

Yep. I'm going to miss Friday night lights.

I don't think its hit me that the season is over for the high school. I think it was easier at the end of APU football then it is at the end of this football. Its probably because I still see the APU guys ALL the time. But I probably won't see the high schoolers that much anymore. I'll still be going to south hills for the next few weeks but it just won't be the same.

Second largest city.

2010-11-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

It doesn't look so big from way back here. (Bottom right on the horizon)

I went on a hike by myself yesterday. I needed to clear my head and just get away. (Of course I took my camera.) These past two weeks have been hard. This semester has been hard. It's time I finally admit this to myself. At church today, I realize that it is exactly six months until my graduation date. I'm freaking out.

Time to get back to work and cease my dilly dallying.

Lyndsay Dean

2010-11-07T13:52:00.000-08:00

Soon to be Mrs. Lyndsay Trefzger. She is my co-hort at South Hills and has the absolute biggest heart. She's going to do great things in the world.

list time.

2010-10-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

This is my life right now.

1. My driver's side window is officially broken. For a while I had it staying up because I pulled it up but there was still a slit in the top. So I try to fix it today and I realize that it is completely off its track. This means I need to take the door completely apart and get it back on. Helloooo weekend project. (Especially if this rain persists).

2. In my research methods class, my professor told us that we have an assignment due every week till the end of the semester. Hellooooo library.

3. Currently, the high school football players at South Hills want to set me up with the linebacker coach. Today, the injured players kept repeating his number to me. And they found out I was 21 today and asked me about buying them alcohol. I gave them a strong no to both things. They dropped the alcohol buying. But they still are trying to push the coach thing. Hellooooo awkward practices. (And to all those wondering... Heck no to the coach).

4. I really need to stop and get back to homework now. Helloooo coffee.

This is how life goes

2010-10-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

So sometimes, we can be sitting doing our homework on a supposedly stable surface and then we get up to go do something and we come back to this. Good things the bag caught the computer otherwise, this blog would have a very different outcome. Actually, there wouldn't be a blog.

But that's how life goes. You're walking down an unbeaten path and some unexpected curve ball comes at you and the cookie crumbles leaving you with an egg to put back together again.

It just happens.

Stronger

2010-10-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

I just have to be stronger
And hold out a bit longer
Take a break from facebook
And stop taking that second look
Learn to say NO
And just go with the flow

Don't spread myself thin

And maybe I'll get a win

Life is sometimes hard

So we stay on our guard

But what happens when
We go ahead and let someone in?

Maybe it will be okay
And we can finally say

We don't need to belong.

We are strong

word.

2010-10-08T13:02:00.000-07:00

.

2010-10-02T22:36:00.000-07:00

Do you think a place like this exists?

I want to find it.

And when I get there I am going to do nothing. I am not going to worry. I am not going to fret. I am not going to try and impress anybody else. I am just going to sit.

Wet Ground

2010-10-02T22:25:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering if the ground gets to wet around here we need to blow it dry with a leaf blower.

Even though the sun is coming out.

Because thunderstorms only last about seven minutes in these here parts.

Are you ready for some football?

2010-09-13T12:19:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I was able to help out with APU football. Here is my account of the game:

I'm on the sideline with Glory. Its my favorite place to watch a football game. Walking back and forth in front of the players. Hearing the occasional burp and exclamation of disbelief of the first string mess ups. Its exhilarating and at the same time nerve racking.

Please God, don't let anyone get hurt. After doing this for a while, this becomes my prayer. It used to be the opposite. I wanted to see some action. Get some experience. Now the football players have become my friends, in a weird twisted way. Do we hang out on the weekends? Nope. Do they say hi to me in the cafeteria or between classes? Sometimes. Do I care what happens to them? Most definitely.

During this particular game, its the middle of the third quarter. We're winning. By a decent amount, too. This is just weird. Last year our record was 3-8. This year we won our opening game against University of San Diego and we're winning this game. We're just better this year. The crowd knows it. They are already starting to leave because it's almost boring watching your team smash the opponent.

I just keep praying for no injuries and keep scanning the field and the players as they come off and on. Are they bleeding? Are they excessively limping? Are they okay after that last hit from the huge linebacker? The worries never stop and neither does the adrenaline.

And then it happens. Glory is running on to the field. Crap. Why was I watching the ball for so long? I didn't scan back to the start of the play. But Glory did.

My instincts take over. Just follow Glory. I'm holding a six-pack of half filled water bottles. I know Glory once said to just put them down and run out. But I'm afraid the players won't see them and we'll have more injuries on our hands so I just carry them out to the player with me.

I finally let myself see who it is. Oh, please God, not Straz. But it is. The quarterback.

Straz is probably the unluckiest person when it comes to playing ball in college. His first game as a redshirt freshman had him on the injury list. He has surgery for it. He rehabs. He comes back to play again the next year. He's out again in one of his first games back. For a completely different injury. No surgery this time. He rehabs. This year he comes back. He's not the first string quarterback. He goes in on the field goal plays. And when we are winning. And it's not cause he's bad or anything of that nature. The first string quarterback has had to step up and play and fill those shoes. So of course he's the starter. But we're winning now. So let's rest our first string quarterback and give Straz some playing time.

When I see this, I'm excited for the guy. He's such a good player and deserves it. And then I just find myself praying again that I won't have to go out to the field for this guy. Anyone but him. You know what they say about murphy's law...

The doctor and Gloria, another athletic training student, meet Glory and I at the 20 yard line, where Straz is writhing in pain. He's crying out, "It hurts so bad!" He's clutching at his knee. I find myself being thankful he's moving and not paralyzed. Or clutching at his back.

I'm realizing my face is probably portraying shock and fear. I get a grip of myself. Time to get my game face on. What does Glory need? I see that April Reed has met us out there too. She's the head athletic trainer. The doctor says let's splint him and get him off. Gloria, April and I all stand up and put our right hand to the left arm. The sign for splint. Glory just radios the sideline. Oh right. Technology comes in handy sometimes. He also calls for the Gator.

Abella brings the splint bag out. I take it from her and get the leg vacuum splint ready. I get the pump out, too. Am I doing too much right now? Should I let April be doing this? Whatever. That starts to not matter anymore.

Glory slides the splint under his leg and he velcros it. I put the pump in and pray that the tube is on the right side. Thank God for correct labels of 'air in' and 'air out.' The air comes out of the splint and it creates a nice temporary cast for his poor leg.

The Gator is there. We stand him up. The stupid seat on the Gator won't move forward or backward anymore. It just permanently stays stuck in the back position. But it works. We have to hoist him up to the seat and carry him back. I think he's in too much pain to realize if this makes it worse. Glory tells me to sit on the side to stabilize it while the we drive away. I don't even see who's driving.

Glory tells me to also hold on to the Gator so that I, myself, am stabilized. April sees this and tries to take my place. I'm already sitting there and I know I won't fall off. I also feel somewhat protective over Straz. That I should be there. Or something. I tell her "I can do this." She lets me.

The whole offense comes over to him right before we drive off. "Keep your head up Straz" and other words of encouragement follow us as we go. My main thought is keep this leg stable. The crowd erupts in cheers and applause. I look at Straz. Yeah, his eyes are red from crying. My heart breaks more for him.

We get him to the treatment table and somehow get him on to the table. I'm pretty sure those details are now a blur. We get some redshirts to make a wall between him and the crowd. Trying to reduce the looky-loos. I look up into the crowd. My friends make eye contact with me. They shrug their shoulders as if asking 'What?' I can't tell them anything and just shake my head. The doctor does more evaluating of the knee. I hear the last thing I want to hear. ACL tear.

Not another one. Why do we even let people play sports anyways? My kids are playing chess.

We get ice bags for him because that's all we can do right now. If someone ever comes up with a cure for ACL tears that does not include surgery, that person will be a multi-millionaire.

The players make their way to Straz throughout the rest of the game. They come and pray. His dad comes down from the stands. I see his roommates come down. Ironically, roommates that have both torn their ACLs and both played football and both now don't play. And his roommates who are in the middle of playing look over. Should they come see what's up? They eventually do. Give him some encouragement. Yeah, this guy is loved. Its all about having a support system in times like these.

And now we wait. How soon will he get in for surgery? Does he need surgery? Is he still going to play football? Seeing him around school breaks my heart. But he has a relatively good attitude. Injuries are all mental anyways. You can't let them win.

I love football game days. And at the same time, I hate them.

P.S. I got Straz's permission to talk about him. Thankfully he didn't ask to read it. And he didn't ask too many questions about it in general. Like why I even have a blog? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Dream Job

2010-09-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

When I was in Chicago, one of the hosts asked someone what their dream job was. If money wasn't an issue and you could pick the perfect set up to do something for the rest of your life what would it be?

And that became something that we talked about. We had visionaries in our group that I think often fueled this discussion (Nicole). But its something to think about.

The other day when I was talking with my ACI (Approved clinical instructor) Darrick, we talked about what his dream setting would be. This question was sparked by his statement "I hate injuries. I'd rather focus on performance." If money wasn't an option he would open up his own facility and have every performance gadget out there. But when he was at APU, they only had athletic training, not applied exercise science. So that is why he ended up an athletic trainer.

Its interesting to see what's important to people if they could imagine the dream job for themselves.

My friend Matty P recently showed me this amazing article: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=100903%2FNatalieRandolph

It honestly made me cry reading it because it moved me so much. Basically its about this woman named Natalie Randolph who became the head varsity football coach at a high school in Virginia. She didn't plan on it and even refused to accept the job at first. But she's in charge of 130 athletes, inspiring them to not only be good football players but also encouraging them to excel academically.

And as I'm reading that, this is my dream job. (Probably not a football coach though. I don't know enough about that sport at all.) But to be in the inner city somewhere, getting these kids to believe that they can accomplish so much more then what society has told them.

Based on what we see in our world, we have dreams of doing things, but it is not necessarily where we end up. Life leads us down different paths. So I might end up being an athletic trainer for the Chicago Bears and I'll still like it even if its not my current dream right now. How do we become match our reality with the vision we have for ourselves? And how do we know what the right choices are? And how hard are we willing to work to make it happen??

Ugh. I hate growing up.

And yet I love it at the same time.

Strong enough?

2010-08-31T20:32:00.000-07:00

I hate when people say I need two strong boys to help me with such and such. If I lived in the seventies, people would probably say that I'm a feminist. But I don't think that's it. I just sometimes wish I wasn't a girl.

My sophomore year of high school, I had this literature teacher, Mr Ayres, who would each week post questions and if we answered them in a forum then we would get extra credit. One of the questions was who has it easier boys or girls? (Side note: I don't think I ever responded to this question and I rarely did post because I didn't like sharing my opinion, but look at me now, commandeering my own blog.)

And really that's not the issue either. I don't think either sex has it easier or harder consistently. I think both are faced with their own challenges at different stages of their lives.

However, I just wish I was a boy so that people would think I'm strong without having to prove myself. Basically, once you get to know me, then its like oh yeah she's strong and capable and good at soccer. (Had to throw that in because I really can't seem to shake that one.)

So where is all this coming from? Just the comments that people make. The other day I was at South Hills and I went to the office with Darrick to get some papers. He apparently got a whole lot of copies made that filled up a whole box. When we walked in and he saw it, he must have said something because then one of the office workers said "I told you to bring someone strong."

Really now?

I stumbled upon this exerpt from a book on Donald Miller's blog. Its taken from a book called "Bitter sweet, thoughts on Change, Grace and Learning the Hard Way" and is written by Shauna Niequist:

"My friends Brannon and Chris have a little girl named Emme, and before she was born, Brannon and Chris declared their house a princess-free zone. There could be pink, there could be dresses and lace and babies galore, but no tiaras, no wands, and no princes coming to rescue any little princesses.

I love this. I think maybe we should all live in a princess-free zone. I think the current cultural messaging that tells women it’s attractive to play dumb and fragile and hope that they’re saved by their beauty is incredibly destructive.

I’m not anti-feminine. I operate, in many ways, within squarely traditional gender roles. I love to cook, I hate to drive, and I’m terrible with technology of all kinds. I fit squarely within the stereotypes, and then also not, largely because I was raised by a strong leader who recognized aspects of himself in me. I wasn’t raised to play dumb, or play cute, or play princess. I learned to work hard, to develop my skills, to contribute on a team and in society, and it drives me bonkers when women depend instead on their sexuality or their fragility. I think there’s a better way.

If you’re a woman, and you get what you want by batting your eyelashes or faking fragility, and then you wonder why you’re not taken seriously in your career or given responsibility in your church, I think you may have believed the reigning cultural lie about what makes us attractive. And if you’re a man, and you celebrate femininity only as it presents itself in beauty and tenderness, please consider widening your view of what it means to value women. Consider strength, intelligence, passion, and compassion.

I want businesses and government systems and certainly churches to be led more and more often by women. I believe that men and women would both benefit from it in dozens of ways. But if that’s going to happen, I think we have to declare a princess-free zone. No tiaras, no Girls Gone Wild, no pretending we can’t carry things. No fairytales, no waiting around to be rescued, and absolutely no playing dumb."

Now, I have always liked the idea of Princesses and Queens and Kings. For a while growing up, I was obsessed with Queen Elizabeth I and her father King Henry VIII. I loved learning about everything of that monarchy.

But I also agree that some girls let themselves get consumed in this idea and they don't even realize it. Its society bearing down on them that they must fit this mold to be the defenseless one.

My roommate and I have a bunkbed. Because of circumstances, it took us a while to put it together. Basically because we didn't have time. During this time of not having the bunkbeds made her boyfriend told us "Do you want me to put the beds together?" And he asked it in such a condescending way that it immediately made me think that he thought we would not be able to do it ourselves. So I took the defensive. And brushed him off that he didn't need to do that. (P.S. I may be down playing this exchange and may have said other things.) All he had to do was to ask if he could "help" us put the beds together and I would not have been so defensive.

And did her boyfriend really think we were too helpless to put the beds together? Knowing him, probably only a little. But he also just wants to be the guy in the relationship and be there for his girlfriend. And I can respect him for that.

And no matter what guys say about not wanting to have a dumb girl in their life, there is some part of them that subconsciously searches for that. And that's good. Guys should protect the girls in their lives and strive to take care of them. I just don't know how to be that kind of girl yet. I'm learning though.

Complaining.

2010-08-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I complain a lot. Or maybe you could call it venting. Or maybe I just want someone to say, "Man that sucks Jane." That's it. I don't really want to answer the question "Why?" about whatever I'm feeling. I don't want to hear about how your life may or may not be more difficult. I just want to complain.

So I try to be careful to who I complain (or vent) to. I don't like people knowing that I am an ornery person at times so it takes a special person to complain to. (Except I'm telling all four of you that read my blog regularly. The vain person in me would like to think its more but its probably not. And I'm okay with that.)

I guess the point is, when you say something that I don't like to hear after I complain to you, then I find myself avoiding you when I need to vent.

Anyway, the other day, I found myself discussing how crappy my schedule was lately because I have less free time then I had originally thought for this last wonderful month of summer of being an undergrad student. I was "venting" to my friend Leary (his last name) and he just looked at me and said "You picked your major Jane." And I immediately knew I would not be

"discussing" things with him anymore.

But as I sit here on my couch, aching from standing at stupid high school football practice, dreading the start of tomorrow's practice, wishing someone would do some myofascial trigger point release on my neck (Nicole?), those words keep ringing in my head.

You picked your major.

So convicting. And so true.

And really, complaining does nobody any good.

Way down at south hills.

2010-08-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

From APU, travel about five miles south on Barranca St, take a right on Cameron and you will be at South Hills High School.

This is my current life: High School Football.

And let me tell you, its different then what I am used to. At APU, its a Christian atmosphere, with dedicated players, intense, short practices and people my age. At South Hills, I hear multiple cuss words, inappropriate comments to the "water girls," and coaches who don't know how to coach. (I'm not saying I could be better at this part but at least I would take it seriously.)

And as the days go on, it is growing on me. Its becoming endearing. And really its probably the setting that I want to be at in the future. And I know that I would have those players cease their cussing within a week. At least while they are around me and in the Athletic Training Room. That part is definitely not growing on me.

The other day we had to call the ambulance. And by we, I mean me. It was almost exhilarating putting the emergency action plan into actual action. I think the hardest part was when Mr. L (my new clinical instructor) had me talk to the kid's mom. She had no idea what was happening and only had me to bridge that gap. I could tell that she was really close to tears and she also told me that she was pregnant. It was just so real at that moment.

The kid is fine. No broken anything. Thankfully.

But while I was on the phone, we didn't know that. It could have been anything.

I feel like I talk about athletic training a lot. But its currently my life. They have been doing two a days. Get there at 8:40. Leave at 12:00 (ish). Come back at 3:30. Leave when the sun sets (About 7:40). Next week they start school so it will slow down a bit meaning, it will only be one practice. I think I expected it to be fewer hours and more laid back in terms of injuries. But its about the same amount of hours and its definitely laid back but way more injuries than college. But not as severe. So there are tradeoffs. As in everything in life.

P.S. I took the pictures with my phone all stealth like. I feel like blogs are better with visual aids.

coolest job ever.

2010-08-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have been hecka busy since I've gotten back from Chicago. Well, not hecka, but moderately. I seem to not be able to stop. I slow down some. But never just stop because that is not the type of person I will ever be.

I have been helping out at football practice with APU and its been quite interesting being a senior and knowing more about football and having the players themselves respect you and ask specifically for you. Whether its to tape ankles or ask an opinion. Honestly, its not just interesting, its been great.

Today was probably my last day of helping out at APU because today I also get to start my rotation at South Hills High School. But it was a great last day:

I was standing by the Offensive line (they were doing a drill against the defensive line) when one of the players put his hand up. His ring finger was definitely not the way it was supposed to be. I was like "crap, I hope he walks to the other student that was over there." Because if he came over to me, it meant that I would have to make a decision and take care of it. And since I was closer he walked over to me. I radio-d Glory (the head athletic trainer with football) that there was a dislocated finger. He said to stabilize it and he'll be right over.

But the player kept saying, "Just put it back in."

So I took a deep breath and did just that.

Ok, honestly, it took me a few tries. But it went back in. Nothing was broken. I taped it up and he went back in the next play.

Can I just say that it was so exhilarating? If the player had come to me a year ago, I would have just waited for Glory. But honestly, I feel like I have just grown so much in this past year. And I'm excited for this next year. And the many stories I will have about the high school players.

Who knows where this life will take me. But if I am doing this the rest of my life, I'm pretty sure I would have the coolest job ever. And that was just a dislocated finger.

Nicole Sandford.

2010-08-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

Chicago brought me to a wonderful lady named Nicole Sandford.

She is the light of my life. She's a fiery spirit with a huge heart for God. She's from Seattle and she is now the apprentice for CSM Chicago. Basically this means that she has a year long internship with CSM. She'll be at the same ministry site all year and rarely (if ever) host groups.

She is probably the best encourager in the world. But its not fake. Its so genuine and real and you can just tell that she means what she says. And at the same time, she has this streak in her that makes you realize that you would not want to get in a fight with her.

She understood me when I didn't understand myself in Chicago and she enlightened me to the wonderful world of frosted shredded wheats and peanut butter. I miss her a lot right now. Nicole, please come back to me?

California Beginnings

2010-08-04T21:18:00.001-07:00

So I am back in the state of California. It is so weird to think that only three days ago I was 2000 miles away in Chicago.

Right when I landed, my parents took me to Huntington Beach where my sisters were at so that I could see them and the kiddos. There was also a fabulous sunset that night. It's amazing how smog and the ocean can just enhance the sunset. Of course I took multiple pictures. I'm only subjecting you all to one of them.

Tomorrow I go back to my apartment near school. And Sunday I start orientation for Athletic Training. Sometimes I feel like I never was in Chicago. And then I look at all 2800 of my photos and realize that this past summer really did happen.

I'm glad to be back. But I can't wait to go back again.

Personal.

2010-07-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

Personal

by Tony Hoagland

Don’t take it personal, they said;

but I did, I took it all quite personal—

the breeze and the river and the color of the fields;

the price of grapefruit and stamps,

the wet hair of women in the rain—

And I cursed what hurt me

and I praised what gave me joy,

the most simple-minded of possible responses.

The government reminded me of my father,

with its deafness and its laws,

and the weather reminded me of my mom,

with her tropical squalls.

Enjoy it while you can, they said of Happiness

Think first, they said of Talk

Get over it, they said

at the School of Broken Hearts

but I couldn’t and I didn’t and I don’t

believe in the clean break;

I believe in the compound fracture

served with a sauce of dirty regret,

I believe in saying it all

and taking it all back

and saying it again for good measure

while the air fills up with I’m-Sorries

like wheeling birds

and the trees look seasick in the wind.

Oh life! Can you blame me

for making a scene?

You were that yellow caboose, the moon

disappearing over a ridge of cloud.

I was the dog, chained in some fool’s backyard;

barking and barking:

trying to convince everything else

to take it personal too.

My roommate introduce this poem to me. I just love it.

I hope you do too.

Reality

2010-07-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

Today I was faced with a sombering reality of how different my life and childhood has been then from the kids I work with everyday.

I have become almost best friends with Ms. Cassandra at my Boys and Girls club. She works in the front office but she's really not the receptionist or secretary. Often times I find myself hanging out with her during the day between playing with the cadets and checking on my students because she is just a wonderful person to talk to. She's in her late twenties/early thirties and has two kids and she's not married. She says she did her life backwards and she's going back to school now.

Well, today I was sitting in the office and Ms. Carolyn, the program director, and Ms. Cassandra were talking about a shooting in the neighborhood. And then they started talking about Thomas, a summer youth staff worker, and how he didn't come into work.

They then started talking to other people about where he would be. And they called another member into the office to call a friend to see where he was.

I know that if I was working at a camp in Riverside, California, my first thought would be that the worker slept in or he was too lazy to come to work.

But that's not the reality here in Roseland, one of the top three most dangerous neighborhoods. The reality is that he could have been shot. Or who knows where. And knowing Thomas, he probably just did not feel like coming into work today. But that's not the first thought at all.

My heart just breaks for the kids of this neighborhood and I ask myself why am I so lucky? Why was I able to be born with soft hair? Why do I have the means to go to Chicago for the summer to just serve? Why am I so lucky to be able to go to college? How did I come from such an amazing family that loves me?

And I don't want to leave. I want to stay here and not just bring 12 or so white volunteers to this club for one week. I want to live here so that it becomes the norm. I want to be able to reach out to them as a staff person rather then a temporary worker.

Because at the end of this week, I have to say good bye. To Ms. Cassandra. To Ms. Carolyn. To Marcus. To Timothy. To Noelle. To Faith. To Demetrius. To everyone.

Because the reality is I might not see them ever again.

I just love my boys

2010-07-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

This was taken during our morning exercises. They were showing me how they did clap push ups.

Memorial Church of Christ

2010-07-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

I loved my group this week. They were just so generous. This was the first week my Boys and Girls club was having a snack bar at lunch and my volunteers stepped right up to help them out even though it was so hectic.

They also helped fix a thousand brochures that the club had printed.

We got to go on a field trip with the club to a pool down the street.

The kids absolutely loved ganging up on my volunteers to try and take them down.

On the last night of debriefing, I told my group that its nice when I get to the end of the week and I'm telling myself that I can't believe its already Friday instead of thanking God that it's finally Friday.

They were just a good group of volunteers to hang out with all week.

I have one more week left. That means one more group. One more prayer tour. And a lot of lasts. Last days at the club. Last going to a soup kitchen. It's just almost over. I'm still trying to figure how I feel about it all.

Cuuuuuuuubbbbs game.

2010-07-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

This past week Katie and I co hosted a group from Houston, Texas. On Wednesday, they took us to an Astros game that happened to be taking place at Wrigley field where they played the Cubs. They had originally bought tickets for about 38 people but they only brought 27 people. That means they had extra tickeys not only for us but also for some of our friends. So Katie and I were able to bring people along.
I was super excited because I had definitely wanted to be able to go to Wrigley field and I didn't even have to pay. I love black and white photos so here is one of the field.

It had such a old time- feel. Really different then what I'm used to at Angel Stadium. They even had these musicians just walking around.

Since we had extra tickets, I invited Austin. At first he told me that he had to work. But then he texted me later to see if there were still tickets available. No one can pass up a free cubs game :)

Katie brought about 5 people because she actually knows more than the one person I know who lives near or around Chicago. This is Pauline, one of her friends from school

Apparently the birds around the field are trained to know when the end of the game is so that they can eat all the leftovers that the crowd leaves. Too bad the game went into extra innings and people were still there.

Austin was telling me that they change this sign for each team that comes. Get it cause they were playing the Houston Astros. And then last week it said something about being "philling" because they were playing the phillies.

And then there's me in front of the field. The Cubs lost. But it was still fun. I was glad that I had my hat to wear, too. Thanks mary :)

Lincoln Park

2010-07-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, Sarah, Elizabeth and Meagan had the opportunity to go and explore Lincoln Park.

The one goal for the day was Molly's cupcakes.

These aren't just any cupcakes. They deluxe cupcakes, with some kind of center, delicious frosting and the actual cake of the cupcake is quite delightful.

This would be the Cookie Monster cupcake. That is cookie dough in the cupcake. It was amazing.

Going to Lincoln Park was very different then what I have been doing lately. All summer I have been around kids or around homeless people. When we started to walk through the houses/condos/townhomes there were a lot of young adults and older adults having house parties. It was game day for the Cubs and that always means a party even if they lose. It was just the part of Chicago I have not experienced but its the part of Chicago that is most expected.

There was this sign. Actually, there were a few of these signs and it made me laugh. Because even though the partying wasn't allowed on the streets or parks, there were probably about 25 people in each front yard every other house.

63 stairs

2010-07-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

One of the ministry sites that I go to at night is the CCO free store. Its on the fourth floor of a building. And there are 63 stairs to get to the door. I may or may not count them everytime I climb them. (Its actually just something I do. Count stairs. I can't figure out why...)

Any way the building itself is associated with Cornerstone Community Outreach which is the ministry of Jesus People U.S.A ( a local church). On the floors below it is a shelter for families and women. The free store is just what it sounds like. On certain days, they open it up for the people in the shelter to come and take clothes, shoes, bags or books for free.

Our groups come and help organize.

These used to be the windows in the building. And unfortunately I did not get a picture of any of the new windows. But because of the American Reinvestment and Recovery Act, these brick windows were taken out and instead they got windows that can be opened and allow light to come into the floor. It still gets hot as heck up there but I can imagine it being a lot worse if it was just these windows. (This window is in the stair well of the 63 stairs).

They get tons of donations. And this is where they are stored until people go through them.

And here is just one row of the clothes that are there.

I'm gonna be honest. It's by far not one of my favorite places to go because there is not necessarily a lot for groups to do if there are no hangers. However, this past week when I went with my group. I told them we could leave (because time was about to run out of the meter and it is definitely one of my fears to come back and see a big fat ticket on the windshield). But the group wanted to stay and finish using all the hangers (there were somehow a lot that night). I was shocked.

So instead I went down the 63 stairs to put more quarters in. But I didn't grab the leader's keys and didn't realize this till I got back to the van. So I went back up the 63 stairs, grabbed the keys, walked back to the van, put the quarters in and returned to the group (after climbing the stairs for the fourth time that night). I keep telling myself that at least I'm getting my exercise somewhere since I have no time for a real workout but it doesn't make it any more fun climbing those stairs.

One of the hosts here (Nicole) and I have a joke going about those stairs. She made fun of me for counting them. And it somehow ended up that I kept getting this ministry site to return to each week.

Lou Malnati's

2010-07-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Part of the experience that groups have coming in is trying different ethnic restaurants in the city. We have Indian, Thai, West African and others.

And we have pizza. Chicago style. Deep dish. At Lou Malnati's.

But this place isn't just any pizza place. It's in the Lawndale Community, which is not an affluent neighborhood at all. It was opened as the tenth store of the chain. As such, Pastor Wayne Gordon, of Lawndale Community Church, encouraged the brothers to make it their tithing store. They make no money from this place and are always in the red. They also hire workers from the Hope House, which is a recovery place for people in the area.
I have not been able to go to the pizza place too many times, but everytime, the waiter, Josh, has just been amazing. He's so friendly and always joking with the groups. Here my group started playing a card game and he is watching. Too bad we had to leave shortly after this so he wasn't exactly able to join in.

The decoration in the place is so fun.

Even Michael Jordan graces the place.
And here is the sunset from the window.

Standing by the sign.

It's just such a cool idea for a restaurant chain to open a store in a neighborhood that it knows it won't make a lot of money from.

Grrreat Day.

2010-07-12T15:25:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I had just a great day.

First, Kendrea and I decided we were going to Shedd Aquarium. Kendrea is from Arkansas and she makes me laugh so hard with her little southern girl phrases and mannerisms. My summer would not have been the same without her.

We stopped first at Portillos.

I got a Chicago Style Hot Dog: It comes with tomatoes, onions, relish, mustard, a pickle, hot peppers, a vienna dog and sesame seed bun. It sounds like a lot and maybe not so appetizing, especially if you're somewhat of a picky eater (alisha....), but its delicious.

We stopped by these funny looking staues first. Yes, they are headless. Its called Agora. They were made in Poland and brought to Chicago, the city of "many funny pieces of art in public".

Here we are waiting in line. It wasn't too bad of a wait. The couple behind us offered to take our picture. It was really nice of them.

I took a million pictures of fish. But I'm not going to put all of them on here. Just this one. You can thank me later for not boring you with my fascination of taking a million pictures of the same thing.

This is us with our map and everything X'd out because we went everywhere. But you can't see the X's. The girl that took this picture laughed at us. I'm quite alright with this. We felt accomplished and felt the need to document it.

And then I took her to my favorite place in the city. It was such a beautiful day. It looks fake even. We had fun with the continuous taking picture mode of my camera. Again, I won't post all of them here. Just this one. (Aren't the clouds just incredible?)

And then I left Kendrea and met up with Matty P. We were co-hosts this past week and our group got tickets to the White Sox game. They had two extra tickets that were already paid for and they brought us along.

I met Matty on the redline and we met the group at U.S. Cellular Field.

I got a phone call from my friend Jenny during the game and walked out to talk to her since it had been so long and saw this beautiful thing from the top of the ramp. It was definitely worth it.

It started to rain during the game and all the people just left their seats to sit under the overhanging. We were in the nosebleeds and had cover. It was great. Of course, since it was Chicago, it stopped 10 minutes after is started and everyone returned to their seats.

2-2-2. (Jenny, it just wasn't the same without you)

My group was awesome that week. I would hang out with them again.

And then Matty P and I with the city in the background. Which you can't see at all. But you can see us.

It was just a great day.

P.S. White Sox won.

Lake Michigan

2010-07-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

So something that the midwest definitely does not have is the ocean. I'm usually not a beach person but I do miss it. Its probably one of the first things I'm going to go to when I get back to California.

However, Lake Michigan isn't too bad. Its 118 miles across so you can't see the other side. At all. Here's a picture. Go ahead and try.
Its a great place to take stalker pictures of strangers.

And to take groups when we got some time to kill. And what's better then a jumping picture?

I also take groups here when its time to eat lunch. It makes a nice backdrop for a meal of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chips.

Val-uh-day-shun

2010-07-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

Validation.

Growing up, validation is something we often seek from our peers. We want to be accepted and just validated.

During the school year, as an athletic trainer, I looked for validation from the athletes that I worked with. This usually came with them knowing my name. Or them trusting the advice that I gave them.

This summer I have found that I am searching for validation from youth group leaders, 6 and 7 year olds, and homeless guys.

Youth group leaders come each week with expectations. (And some even come with no expectations.) Either way, I want to be as accommodating as I can be. I want them to be able to say "Wow, Jane, our host, really cared about our group." Cause I do, I care about all these students coming actually wanting to serve the city. I know going on short term missions growing up has definitely shaped who I am. It's weird being on the other side and actually facilitating the trip, but I have learned so much from each group that has come.

Each week that I take my group to the boys and girls club, I find myself gravitating towards the cadet boys. They are aged 6 to 7 and I definitely seek validation from them. I just love them. Such as these two boys. They just want love. They have so many nicknames for me, such as Mrs. Goldilocks or Mrs. Smiley. After four weeks I think the majority of them even know my real name. I want to take all of them home with me. They have just touched my heart in so many ways.
At night we go to different ministry sites. One of them is Epworth Men's Shelter. This is a gym that Cornerstone Community Outreach rents from a UnitedMethodist Church in Uptown. On average, they have about fifty guys sleep here each night. During the winter, there are more guys. But during the summer, its always been about fifty-two ish.

I have been lucky enough to go back there almost every week I have been here. And really, for some reason, when some of the guys come up to me and recognize me from talking to them the week before, it is such validation.

They really are great guys that come here. It was definitely weird at first that we go to this place just to make conversation. We don't necessarily serve or clean or anything. Just conversation and attention to individuals that may not ever get it during the day.

So that's where I currently seek validation. To me it means that I am doing something right. That I am where I'm supposed to be right now. Even though some days are hard. And sometimes I just want an ocean beach. Its really just what I need to be doing right now.

Shower Guard.

2010-07-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

CSM Chicago has a partnership with North Park University. We stay in their dormitories. They let us use their campus for Worship Night. We can go into some of their buildings if we want to have an inside debriefing somewhere. And all the groups that come in use the lockerroom showers.

Now shower times for the groups may be during the morning time slot (6:00 am to 8:00 am) or the evening time slot (8:00 pm to 10:00 pm). During this time there is no one from the North Park University actually in the building to I guess patrol the area. And so the hosts get the wonderful job of having shower guard duty.

So we get to sit in this empty hallway while the groups use the shower facilities. We find ways to entertain ourselves. In my case I bring a book. Or I journal. Or I just look at the walls. Its really not that bad because its actually time that is designated just to sit. It gives me a lot of time to just think then and process how the week is going. It sucks having to wake up at 5:30 when you have the morning shift but once you get there. It's the easiest thing in the world to just sit.

It's also fun to say hi to the groups and see them. I also feel at home in this hallway because NPU's athletic training room is in this hallway. And all the coaches of the different sports have their offices here. So if I went to this school, I would be spending a lot of time down this hallway anyway.

When I told my past group what I had to go do, the pastor, who's very sarcastic, commented "Well, are you armed? Do they give you a weapon?"

Yes, pastor, I am packing.

My crew.

2010-07-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

These are my co-hosts.

This was taken about nine-thirty at night after Worship night (which is a big celebration night among all the groups that come in. We have group games, Mexican food catered, fellowship, worship, and a speaker comes.) Needless to say from setting up, running around and cleaning up we were all a bit sweaty and tired. But we still got together to take this wonderful group shot.

I love the people that I work with. They are so encouraging and just on fire for God.

We took a lot of pictures that night. Of course, at the end we had to take the customary "funny" picture. Those are always the best.

It's funny because throughout the week we don't get to see each other because we are all with our different groups. This weekend though we get 'staff fun day,' which means on Saturday we're all going on some adventure that our directors haven't told us what we're doing yet.

It will be fun because we'll get to hang out. But I wouldn't mind a day in my pjs...

"How's work going?"

2010-06-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

So I was texting a friend the other day. And one of the things my friend asked me was "How's work going?"

It's weird but sometimes I forget that this is work. I wrote down how many hours I was with the group or doing things for CSM last week and it came to 73.5 hours. I get random breaks during the day. (Like now, my group is on immersion and I'm just chilling at a local coffee shop getting "connected" as my mom told me.)

And they are long days but I'm not 'working.' I'm just taking them to the different ministry sites. And trying to become their friend. And just living out the gospel.

So I guess works going good when you don't even realize what you are doing is considered "work."

Roseland/Pullman Boys and Girls Club

2010-06-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

This is where I go everywhere morning from 9 till 2. It's a great place.

Paul Luu is the director and he is one of the coolest guys I know. He's probably early thirties, has a wife who's expecting for the first time, Chinese, born in Champaign, IL and all the kids respect him. He is not necessarily out with the kids all the time but they all know his name and just listen to him.

He is one of the people responsible for raising funds and support for the club. He always takes time out of his week the first day I bring volunteers to give them background on the club and Boys and Girls clubs in general. So here it is, as best as I can give you. I'm no Mr. Luu.

It started during the Industrial Revolution when boys needed a place to hang out during the day. And this was in Hartford, Connecticut by a group of ladies. But it was only for boys because girls were expected to help with their own home chores and what not. It was called the dash away club because mostly run aways were in it (get it?)

During Theodore Roosevelt's presidency, he officially made it the Boys Club. And then, finally, in the early nineties, it became the Boys and Girls club. They are a non profit organization and they have lobbyists in D.C. trying to raise money. (I never really understood the lobbyist profession. I just know that I would be bad at it because I'm a terrible fund raiser participant. Except when it came to girl scout cookies. But those things practically sold themselves.)
This Boys and Girls club partners with Salem Baptist church, which is the biggest church in the Chicago area and is pastored by Reverend Senator James Meeks. I hope attend this church sometime this summer. But its on the south side. And by public transportation it will take an hour and a half. And I would be ok with going by myself; I just know some of my co-hosts would be disappointed if I did that. The church isn't on this property but they do have offices here. The House of Hope that is the sanctuary/worship center for Salem Baptist is literally just down the road.

They are so blessed by their facility because they have this huge open grass area. So much room to just run around. And P.S. this week's weather has been amazing. No humidity. No random rain storms. I was wearing a jacket last night.

They also have this huge indoor facility where they can play hockey or indoor soccer or basketball. At the end of summer programming they have show that they present to all the parents. I'm sad because I'm leaving before it takes place.

But that's the way it goes. I would have to be here another two weeks. And I just got the date of when I have to be back for athletic training: August 8. I'm flying home on the third. Yep I'm pretty sure I'm going into a sleep coma those few days...

Afternoon delight

2010-06-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

I just want to take you on my afternoon commute home.

"Oh wow, look at that great skyline"

"The sears tower is so tall" (1,454 feet with the antennae and 110 stories)

"The ride is going nice."

"Oh, hey breaklights. Always love having you around."

Hate is a strong word but in the case of the 90/94, I think its quite appropriate.

First Cove

2010-06-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

This past week this was my group. They were from Rockford, IL and attended a church called First Evangelical Covenant Church. They were absolutely so fun to be around because they had such a go with the flow attitude. The leaders also were just amazing because they were so easy to work with and talk to. I was so blessed to be a part of their family this week.

Since the pastor (Dave far left) was a returning participant to CSM they were given the option of taking public transit all day. They are the first group to ever take CSM Chicago up on this offer. Our anchor site is 111 blocks south of downtown Chicago. And our housing site is already 50 blocks north of the city. So we had a long commute. However, public transit in Chicago is just amazing. And we only had to make one transfer between the 'el' lines and ride the city bus for 10 minutes. The group was such good sports about it too. It did take an hour and a half but I really think they enjoyed themselves. I know I did. I just love the 'el' and people watching. There were definitely some characters out there too.

It was such a long week but it was such a good week. I barely had time to breathe because it was go go go with only about an hour break during the day. And this is the rest of my summer. Who's excited? My hand is raised :)

My new best friends.

2010-06-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

For the rest of the summer I get the opportunity to go to Roseland/Pullman Boys and Girls club in the mornings. It is my anchor site (CSM's fancy word for the only consistent thing in our schedule). This past week was my first week there. I absolutely love it.

There are over 150 kids there with ages ranging from 6 to 14 years old. They have a rotating schedule where they go from class to class. There is an arts and crafts class, PE class, social recreation class, fine art class and education class. The kids spend only an hour at each place so that they don't get bored and cause more trouble then they already do.

There are four different age groups. The cadets are aged 6-7 and they wear the red shirts. The preps are aged 8-10 and they wear the green shirts. The juniors are 11-12 and they wear the blue shirts. And the intermediates are 13-14 and wear the grey shirts (this is by far the smallest group).

The groups that I bring go with whatever group they want and follow them from class to class. This past week, the volunteers did so good just being there and helping the staff in whatever way they could.

I was more of the supervisor and went from group to group. But if I could stay with a group it would be the cadet boys. These boys will definitely be my new best friends this summer. (This isn't all of them.)

The staff at Roseland/Pullman is also just so fun to work with. I'll probably write about them later on.

It's not the ocean...

2010-06-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

but I guess it'll do till I'm back in California.

During a break between ministry sites, I got to take my group to the lake to hang out for about an hour. There were so many people. But it was so nice.

There's a nice little fence closing for the dogs of the city.

We went at such a pretty time during the day. It was so peacful and there was a beautiful breeze.

I could have sat here for hours. But it was a nice little break from the go go go of this week.

They didn't cover this in training...

2010-06-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a HUGE growing week. I have learned so much about myself and really what to expect the rest of the summer and just some lessons about people.

The group that came in was from Milford, Ohio. I wasn't supposed to be a host this week but since some of there people didn't come, my director told me that I was co-hosting five minutes after they got here. So not much time to prepare. There were eight kids in all: one boy, seven girls, with ages ranging from eighth grade to a senior in high school. The leaders were all volunteers and they had daytime jobs. The main youth pastor wasn't able to make it since his wife's father had just passed away. So it was an interesting beginning to the week.

The first day, after we take them to dinner, we take the group on a prayer tour of the city. Joseph, my co-host, and I are in different mini-vans. Due to drivers not listening to instructions, we end up taking the group an hour out of the way before even starting the tour. Again, an interesting start to the trip. We get back pretty late and after debriefing, it is evident that this group is timid in praying and talking about anything.

The days go on and I let myself not get totally involved with the group because it feels like I shouldn't be here anyway.

And then Friday comes.

This is the groups of kids with two kids from the neighborhood, outside of Will Feed, which was our anchor site for the week. It's a place where kids can come to hang out and essentially stay out of trouble. They get two meals for free and our volunteers just go to hang out with them.

It's about 4:15 when we leave Will Feed on Friday. And it is also when a huge thunderstorm decides to accompany us back home. We were on our way to get to a 5:30 reservation at Siam, our Thai food restaurant (one of my favorites).

The 90/94 is the highway that we take from the south side to get to the far north side of the city, because that's where our housing is. However, the traffic is comparable to the 91 during rush hour; there's a lot. I encourage Joseph that we get to the 55 and take Lake Shore Drive but he thinks that we'll get there too fast and we have time to kill. So we take the 90/94 and we are creeping along. Joseph then calls me and says ok, let's get off and take surface streets up. So we get off and get to Halsted which turns into a one lane and we are going slower then if we had stayed on 90/94.

So I tell Joseph, let's cross downtown on Jackson to get to Lake Shore Drive, he concedes and we start getting over. Then a wonderful impatient taxi drivers cuts in between the two mini vans and hits Joseph's van. All I could think was, they did not go over this in training!

The impact was only from 6 inches away so no one was hurt and there was only minor damage but since the leaders rented the vans they knew they needed to file a report. So we tell the taxi driver who agrees, but then drives off after saying he'll pull over. Not really surprised at this.

We end up pulling to the corner of Monroe and Wacker, right in the middle of financial district.

Here we are at the corner. The kids have to pee but we have to wait for the cops and Joseph is convinced that it will take two hours for the cops to show up. And we are definitely not making our reservation.

It all works out in the end. But it was definitely a bonding experience. I learned that you have to learn to speak the groups language. This group was highly sarcastic, and I tried to not be sarcastic this whole week so that I could maintain some professionalism and because I didn't want to become too attached to a group. But as soon as this happened, I just let my guard down and became appropriately sarcastic with them. We bonded immediately. I'm going to miss this group. They gave me some headaches this past week but all in all it was a good time.

Saturday Thrifting.

2010-06-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

Saturday, Stacey, Nicole and I went on an adventure to Lakeview and Wicker Park to do some exploring and thrifting.

Here we are at the start of the journey.

This is the first place we ventured into.

Books were everywhere! I could have stayed in here for hours. I was listening to a patron talk to the owner and he asked if he could bring some books in. The owner said of course any time. The guy replied ok I'll bring it in and you can look through it to see if you want them. The owner then said to not worry he'll take them all. That's how much he just loved books. This is definitely one of my dream jobs.

Vintage shopping under a vintage sign. This place was a little spendy but the ambience was exceptional.

This is at a different store in Wicker Park. Stacey caught a candid shot when we started laughing that Stacey had taken a shot before we were ready. The couch was wonderfully comfortable from all the walking. We wanted to take it with us back to the apartment but it seemed very unfeasible to take it around with us.

The Buffalo Exchange. Got some awesome sunglasses from here.

We then needed a coffee break if we were to continue our journey. And we found this adorable little place that opened only a week and a half ago!

When we walked in there were shirts on the counter that I started to pick up to look at and the lady said "Take one! They're totally free." We jumped on this offer. They were just fun shirts. Nicole and I talked about how we would definitely move to Chicago for just all the eclectic coffee shops that reside here.

This place was also adorable. They had a lot of fun shirts. Also a bit spendy.

And then we found this awesome store. Read this sign.

It's called The Boring Store and it has a tutoring center for kids in the back and in the front there are all sorts of things they sell. Like books that some of the kids have written.

They also have this awesome map.

We continued on and found a store with regular clothes on the first floor and used clothes in the basement after you pass this fun mural.

Yeah, I found this sweatshirt nestled in the hoodie section. It caught me by surprise. I just had to take a picture with it. I was tempted to buy it, but then I remembered I have about five jackets/sweatshirts from APU...

And then it was time to eat and we found this noodle place that was cheap, good and filling.

Now we were so famished before we got here that Nicole, a vegetarian, was willing to settle for a hamburger and fries, as long as they got to eat soon. But since we found this place, she was able to get her tofu.

And I got my coke, which was something I had been craving aaallllll day. There's just something about a coke after walking around that just makes my day.

All in all it was a great day.

GCFD.

2010-06-16T07:53:00.001-07:00

GCFD stands for Greater Chicago Food Depository

It provides food for the greater Chicago area. It could be soup kitchens or elementary schools or really anything that needs food. Its a very highly organized place. Our group went and we got to package pasta into 3 lb bags to be labeled and packed and shipped off.

Here's some of the kids from my group. We worked in a place called the clean room. So we got to wear these highly attractive outfits.

This is the pasta we packaged. It really was barley. I never really had barley before. And after being around it for four hours, I really have no desire to add it into my diet in any way.

These are just some stats about GCFD. Its a really cool organization. It operates a lot on volunteers. There was a woman that I met there named Sandy. She works as a consultant in downtown Chicago. She is currently on vacation and decided to come volunteer at this place. How cool is that? Usually vacation means not having to stand for four hours dealing with a bunch of loud teenagers while being forced to wear a hair net. Just saying. I think she was a really cool example to the group.

Attractive, I know. Don't be jealous. I felt like I was going into surgery.

Kaybay

2010-06-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

This is my Chicago roommate Katie Norregaard. For some reason, we get along ridiculously well. She has a habit of talking really fast and not waiting for an answer when she asks a question. She's just always on and excited about life. She's really just an encouraging person to be around.

We always have Sunday adventures after going to church. (We really just have adventures in general.) One Sunday we were walking back from the el stop and there were mangoes for sale. 12 for $4. Of course we bought some because we both love mangoes. And of course we took a picture.

This is currently our bed set up. At the beginning our beds were more in an L shape. And we joked about putting them together. Then we actually decided to do it two nights ago. It takes up so much space. But it really doesn't matter since all we do in the room is sleep. Our next thought is that we are going to make a fort in the room. Who's excited?

...my hand is raised.

Living Room Cafe

2010-06-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had the opportunity to go to a soup kitchen with some co-hosts today. I took a little break from my group and went with three other girls: Nicole, Meagan and Alysa.
This is Nicole. She's from Olympia, Washington. She's is such a blessing in this whole experience. She was a host during the spring so she has a lot of wisdom. She is also always willing to just listen when I need to vent or when I need to just talk something out.

Living Room Cafe is different from other soup kitchens. It serves only about thirty people and these guests are involved in the different programs the place partners with. They have to sign up. They come in and someone goes around and takes their order.

We got there at four and immediately started helping making dinner while the radio was on. This guy named Roy was the head cook who gave us all our tasks to do. We made spaghetti and salad and garlic bread. It was so fun because it was so laid back. And everyone was dancing. Even Roy.

(Nicole, Brian, Meagan and Alysa)

This is Brian in the picture. He was a whole lot of fun. He came at the end of the cooking. And immediately started washing the dishes and singling along to the songs. When we were taking a picture he of course jumped into the front.

There's our spaghetti sauce. Not as good as my mother's but pretty darn tasty. Those bagels in the background were the garlic bread. To make them we melted butter on the stove top and put garlic salt in it then spread the butter over the bagels. They were so good. Also one of the things Roy put in the spaghetti sauce was sugar. I have never thought about that.

We dished up the plates and took them out to the guests. We then served outselves a plate and ate with the remaining guests. I can't wait to come back to this place with a group. It was a good experience.

Park House

2010-06-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

This is the place that my group went to this morning. Its a elderly care facility but it doesn't necessarily mean that all the people here are senior citizens. Some of the patients were definitely in their late thirties or early forties.

The group played BINGO and bought a whole bunch of prizes that the residents were super excited about. When we were touring everywhere to see all the ministry sites, our director told us that this is a place that you don't go to feel good about yourself. And its true. The group that goes to this place makes it what they can. They cannot expect a whole bunch of happy residents because that may not necessary happen.

It's a really sad place. Playing BINGO was probably the highlight of their week. The residents here don't have any friends or family besides each other.

I was sitting next to a lady who I never got her name. But she kept asking me about Shirley Temple and if she had died. That is just one example of the residents.

It was definitely an experience. But I'm glad I got to go. Not many people know about this place. It's really just a hole in the wall nursing home. Who knew there was such a thing?

Hosting Week 1

2010-06-11T15:20:00.001-07:00

As I've already said I just finished my first week of hosting.

These were two of my three hosts from this week. From the left: Matty P and Julie. Funny story about Matty, he goes to APU with me. But we've never met. He's from Denver and he's one of the coolest and nicest guys I know. He always goes out of the way to help everyone out. He is also always willing to walk me to the office when I have to go back at ten at night to do the finances.

Julie reminds me a lot of me. We're both athletic, competitive and always trying to solve problems. But we're also different in a lot of ways. So we even each other out when we co-host.

The host not pictured is Joseph. He doesn't like having his picture taken and he doesn't talk much but he has quickly become one of my favorite people in the world. He'll probably have his own post sometime during the summer.

Hosting itself has been quite interesting. It has been draining but so rewarding. In my last post I talked about Chase elementary. We would go to that site in the morning and in the evening we would do different things. On Monday and Tuesday we went to soup kitchens. It was so cool seeing the group of Sophomores and Freshmen just willing to serve in any way possible. My position is supposed to be more of a supervisory role but at these places I got to help with the serving of the food. I loved seeing the people of Chicago and having the most random conversations.

On Wednesday we went to a men's shelter called Epworth. This is a place where guys can sign up for a bed in the morning and come to the place later that night. There is about sixty guys there. We go to just talk to them and listen to their stories. It was the night of the Stanley Cup finals so we also got to watch the game where the Blackhawks officially became the champions. It was fun. These guys just love to talk, too. And really that's all anyone wants in life: someone to listen to them.

Thursday night, the group broke up into four groups and explored four different neighborhoods with only $2 each for dinner. When we debriefed that night, it was so cool hearing what the different groups did. One group went to Trader Joe's and another group went to Jimmy Johns (sub shop) and bought day old bread for 50 cents.

And today they had a full day off to walk around downtown. That meant that all the hosts had a day off too. Since the week was draining, we didn't make any extravagant plans. Matty P and I watched the South Africa vs Mexico game this morning. Then Julie made the suggestion to go the beach. I took her up on this offer because the wonderful humidity that Chicago is known for came back this morning even though yesterday was an absolute beautiful day weather wise.

The day started off overcast.

And then it started to rain. But we weren't going to be moved. We had only been there for an hour and we were not ready to go back.

We got in the water but it was freeeezing so I only went in up to my knees. You could go out pretty far and it still was shallow.

And then the sun came out. We were laying out and reading but we kept getting attacked by bugs. Julie made a joke that we would have a better time reading in the water. So of course we took our books and cameras and made it a great photo opportunity.

Sunday is when the next batch of groups come. There will be a total of nine groups so it doesn't necessarily mean that I'll be host. But there's a good chance.

Chase Elementary

2010-06-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

So this past week I have had my first group. It has been quite a growing experience. I've learned so much about what to do next time and I feel confident that I can do this for the rest of the summer.

In the mornings I would take the group to Chase Elementary where they helped in the different classes. This place had the coolest mural all throughout the school building. It was designed by the kids and even a lot of them helped paint it. The following pictures don't show its entirety but the general idea of what all the walls were like.

This was Salmon P. Chase who the school was named after.

The skeletons are mosaics.

They even portrayed the el.

Soldier field. Daaaa Bearrrrrs.

I wonder who number 54 is/was...

Margie's Candies. Apparently its pretty popular. I'm going to have to check this place out.

This is an actual fountain in the city.

P.S. There's a Jazz festival this weekend. So pumped.

Take me out to the ball game. Take me out to the field. Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.

This was a sign on one of the classroom doors. It made me go 'aww.'

I have a real picture of the lions in front of the art institute and the Chicago sign.

Apparently there were a whole bunch of cattle statues around Chicago a while ago. I don't know much about them.

Ugh this picture is so dark. But they had a picture of the U.S. so I just had to take a picture with California.

All in all, Chase Elementary was a fun place to be at.

Mural

2010-06-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

One of the things we do is give a prayer walk. And this mural comes at the end of the Uptown Prayer walk. This guy named Ray Bakke had a vision for this mural but he didn't want the gangs to tag it up. So he went around to all the gang leaders and told him this idea. The leaders respected him and agreed not to tag it.

Bakke then asked for help from people from all the gangs. And this is what happened.

Pictures don't show the whole thing but its really cool.

When the neighborhood was getting more higher class people they painted over the mural with white paint. In the nineties they sand blasted the white paint off and the mural was for the most part still in tact and just needed a little touch up. How awesome is that?

If you look at the picture of Jesus. He is not one color. Rather he is all colors.

Training has ended

2010-06-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

Training for groups has officially ended. We are supposed to have all the information that we need to know to be able to host a group.

The first few groups are coming next week. Not everyone is hosting but I get to have the wonderful privilege of co-hosting next week.

I'm so excited. This is what we've been training for. This is what I have been waiting all year for. I don't know for sure where the group will be serving or anything specific like that. But it should be fun. And challenging. And good.

Today is Saturday and it is a wonderful little break from everything. I think some of the hosts and I are going to go explore one of the many neighborhoods here.

Cafeneo.

2010-05-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

We actually had a nice little three hour break from training today. So three other girls and I decided to head on out to a coffee shop in Lincoln Square. It is an adorable little place called Cafeneo. It is currently a rainy and thundering and lightning day, which makes this off the wall coffee shop the perfect place to be on Sunday.

So what have I been up to lately. Well, today, out session consisted of learning to deal with conflict. I learned that I am a turtle when it comes to conflict and just avoid it. I guess this could be good. But it probably really isn't.

We have been doing a lot of tests like these to find out where we fit on the whole spectrum and find out our personalities.

One of the tests we took was what we value. Whether we were a visionary, a doer, a planner or a people person. Yeah, all my scores were within one point of each other. So I'm a four part blend. And you know that sounds good and all but really it just means that I am such a fence sitter. One of the girls here told me that it meant I was balanced. I just think that I am in a transition part of my life. So everything is changing.

I finally broke down today. We were driving to the coffeeshop and I just started crying. I love the people here but I have not had a real genuine hug from someone yet. That was a part of it but I'm also just homesick and it's also just raining, which often brings me down.

This is the last week of training and groups will be coming next week. But not everyone will have a group. The co-hosts that don't have a group will be their own serving group and go to different ministry sites.

I don't know if I have a group yet. I'll find out later this week.

Thank you for your prayers and support. And I'll keep you updated when I can.

Downtown.

2010-05-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a wonderful day off from training.

I have a friend who is on the football team who is from Chicago. On Saturday, Austin agreed to meet me down town and show me around the city. Ironically, his dad is a pastor of a church down here that CSM frequents.

He was so proud of his city and pointed out all the cool architecture. And he knows a lot of random things. When I was taking this picture he told me that I better make his city look good.

It was Memorial Day weekend, there was a cub's game and the blackhawks were in the Stanley Cup final so there were a lot of people out and about.

We went by the bean and of course took a picture with distorted bodies. This is in Millennium Park. A while ago there was a major that made a rule that the lake front is for all the people of the city. So no businesses can build homes or industrialize it. So there are so many parks along the lake front. And gardens. And museums. And just everything.

The first place we went was here. It is called the John Hancock Center. It has apartments where people live and there are also businesses on the ground floor.

We went to the top which is ninety seven (I think?) floors up. It was insane. We stayed for a while in the Signature Lounge. It was kind of a hazy day so it wasn't that clear. Austin could point out familiar buildings in his neighborhood but I was pretty much blind when he tried to point things out.

Then we walked along the lake to this wonderful view of the city. While we were walking it didn't seem that far. But if you look at the picture we walked from the building that is on the far right with the two antennaes sticking up. We didn't walk back. Thank goodness. My knee was definitely hurting that night. Austin said it was probably three miles that we walked. And ironically, Austin also had a torn ACL that he had to get surgery on. So we related well on the walk.

We went to eat at Portillos then, which is actually in MoVal so not far from where I live but definitely have never eaten there. It was quite good. I recommend the Chicago Style Hot Dog.

I really do love the city of Chicago.